Story from Jason!

Jason swears that this actually happened to him back when he was doing tech support, manning the Help phone lines:

Customer: "How can I get the butter knife out of my CD player?" 

 Jason: "What is a butter knife doing in your CD player?" 

Customer: "I used it to put the butter in! Duh!" 

Jason: "Why did you put butter into your CD player?" 

Customer: "To put the CD in, stupid! DUH!!!" 

Jason: "Why didn't you just press the button next to the slot?" 

Customer: "What button?" 

Jason: "The one right beside it. Have a look!" 

Customer: "Oh, there IS a button. I was reading the manual and I thought it said 'butter'. Do you think I need to get glasses." 

Jason: "Duh!"

He also wanted to add "And a brain!" but he was just too nice!

Hadrian's Wall

I should tell you I did NOT walk Hadrian's Wall.  But Keith did so let's share his adventures.

The intrepid trio setting out on their journey.

But first, here's my Harian's Wall Adventure:

Yes, while Keith and co. walked the wall, I sat around drinking tea and reading.  Now THAT's my idea of a walking holiday.

But Keith can tell you that the area around Hadrian's Wall is simply gorgeous:

 

 

 Apparently you walk for miles through this stunning countryside until you eventually see this:

And then you walk alongside this for a great many miles, across fields and a great many "up and downies" as the locals call those savage hills, and stopping off at old Roman forts along the way.

 You can see how impressive this 

feat of engineering was, can't you!

Until it was saved by John Clayton, for millennium locals were taking bits of the wall to build bastles and walls and monasteries and churches and stuff so you can make out whole sections that are missing ...

Spot the missing bits?

... but when you see what locals did with the stolen Wall, that's pretty impressive too:

 

The remains of bastles, 

the forts used as defense in later times 

against the Reivers.

A bastle that ISN'T a ruin.

Lanercost Monastary built from The Wall.

In fact, the Monks who intended

 to build this actually said in their charter that

"There's a natural quarry in the area 

to provide stone to build" ... 

and they meant Hadrian's Wall.

Remains of a local house built out of the Wall.

Isn't it just so "Skyfall".

 A wall built from The Wall.

When a wall is in the wrong place, 

you simply HAVE to take it down 

and rebuild it elsewhere, yes?

 And they only took what they 

needed to build their own places.

In fact, they did so much with the Wall, I can only say that the locals must have been thrilled any time they spotted that the Romans had stinted on the cement pour:

There are bits where the Romans simply "phoned it in".

There was even a company called Cawfield's Quarry that would take down bits of the wall for you to use elsewhere.  And you can tell where Cawfield had been:

After Cawfield's Quarry had been through.

They were like stone-stealing locusts.

Seriously, if it hadn't been for John Clayton's kick-ass achievements, there wouldn't be any Wall left at all.  

Hey, you should have seen the locals' faces-of-shock-and-horror when I said I didn't know who Clayton was, however they soon rectified that. Much talk indeed but the fundamental germ of wisdom in it all was that John Clayton was the fellow who lived down the hill - yup, "right there", she says, pointing in the direction towards the river - who practically single-handedly saved the Wall. 

So I checked it out, and yes, I quickly became a huge Clayton's fan as well.

 Clayton's Old House.

It's now a Museum housing

The Clayton Collection.

 

While the others walked the Wall, I visited the

Clayton's Museum to see all the very best stuff 

that Clayton found during his excavations

of the Wall. Yayyyy! I win.

However, because there's so much to talk about here I think I'll save the Clayton Collection for a different post.

Because I really want to talk about Hadrian and just how clever he was.  See, if you look at that photo three above ... in fact, let me show it to you again ...

 

 Hadrian WASN'T here!

...  can you also see how at this point the Wall and the natural defenses of the landscape part ways? See how the Wall used to run counter to the screeface? Bit silly, right?

I must say that for the most part the Romans could build.  In fact, there are still Roman bridges in use around these parts.  Let me show you one:

Kudos Roman ingenuity and cement.

Actually, that is my very favourite thing about the wall.  You can see for yourself that when Hadrian was on site, it is a fabulous feat of engineering - such an incredible brain was in operation here - but when Hadrian was away, the whole exercise became mighty stupid indeed.  Not too bright those unsupervised Roman Wall builders.

In fact, there are vast stretches of the wall where all you can think is "Why didn't they take better advantage of the natural defenses built into the landscape?" and THATS when you realise that Hadrian must have been holidaying back in Rome for that part, because you NEVER ask those questions for the bits he oversaw.  Hadrian was definitely a right smarty.

In fact, you can play "Hadrian Was Here" all along the Wall.  See how these stretches ...  

 

 Cawfield was here!

 

 

... are built at the highest point, taking advantage of the landscape?  

But then you come to the Hadrian-was-off-in-Rome parts which are "Hey diddle diddle, right through the middle" and really very silly:

But I should tell you something very funny.  Keith was going on about all the good stuff I missed, but when I looked through his photos, I realised I HAD seen a lot of it because as they did this ...

I did this ...

 

 

See Keith honey, I did too see the Wall!

 

... and if you look there on the right I DID see vast chunks of Wall plus I didn't get any blisters doing it.  Nah nah!

And I even saw the special stuff ... like the famous and iconic Kev's Tree in the Nick.  Here's Keith's shot of seeing it for the first time:  

But here is mine:

 

I think my shot is so much prettier

plus I was having a very pleasant 

cider at a lovely pub at that time!

Hey, look at that.  You can see from the angles that I'm sitting right there in one of those buildings you can make out on the left top corner of Keith's shot. And the best bit is that I don't have to do all that Uppy-Downy.

Anyway, if you don't know the extremely famous Kev's Tree here's a close-up:

 

Yes, Keith took this one!

Yup, I was meant to be meeting them at night at stops along the way but thanks to my almost preternatural sense of direction I was forever taking the wrong buses and ending up in the middle of nowhere walking for what seemed like miles to another busstop to catch the right bus, thus I saw LOTS of stuff ... plus had many very pleasant chats and meetings in various pubs and tea houses.

 

Me once again lost on route. 

Note the hail storm coming in?  

I missed that.  Nah nah!

In fact the only thing I didn't also see which I deeply regret is Conventina's Well,:

The Roman's built a temple to Mithras at

the site of Celtic Goddess Conventina's altar

and please note that there are still

tributes being placed around there.

 

However I did see the God statues that were once here in the Clayton Collection ... 

 

 

 You only get to see one

but I saw all! Nah nah!

... whereas those intrepid hikers only saw ... 

 

 I saw the head!

... the Mithras Companions statue that is still on this site.  (Nah nah!)

However if you want to get your ire up, here's what the Romans did to Conventina's temple right next door:  

And what really gets to me is how all the websites say that Conventina's temple came AFTER the Roman's Mithras Temple whereas we all KNOW it was the other way around; that the Romans always built on the site of Celtic places of worship because the ground was considered hallowed.  So what is it about misogynistic English archeologists who can't just tell the truth here just because Conventina was a Goddess and not a god.

However that does not stop goodly souls even today leaving tribute to Conventina as well as for Mithras:

 Offerings for Conventina.

But I really do get what Keith is saying.  Hiking Hadrian's Wall is pretty special and they did get to tick that one off their bucket list (but please note that it was never on mine.)  and they did see a great deal of beauty too.

 

 Hiking the Wall!

However, in my defense I also had a fabulous hiking holiday while missing out the blistering, footsore part.  And to conclude, please note just how beautiful the weather was for most of the hike, although here's a shot of The Redoubtable Mrs Walker pointing out "There's a storm coming." ... 

 "Look.  RUN!!!"

... just moments before the sky opened and there was the most massive hailstorm and they all had to run for the nearest trees.

I missed all that.   

Nah nah!