Oz-style One-up-man-ship!

Everyone is noticing that the top half of Australia is under water - and now facing another Category 5 cyclone - while the bottom half burns ... and yes, since this is Australia where people accept such irony as a fact of life, are starting to laugh about it.

And in that vein and on that subject, here's an Oz joke that is currently doing the rounds.

The State of Victoria!

The State of Queensland!

Erin Buys a Bag!

Erin wishes to buy a top-end handbag. Since Hong Kong is a free trade port, she intends to buy it here because it's cheaper. She's asked me to help her find one at a reasonable price that she can purchase when she arrives later this year. Since you too may be in the market for a top-end handbag, I thought I'd share at least part of the how-to journey with you as well.

Erin, Hong Kong is the shopping capital of the known universe - although several cities may dispute that - and you can buy anything and everything here, whatever your budget. Like, here's Landmark House where you could shop if you're rolling in it!

HK is full of malls like this.

Hong Kong is full of places like Landmark House and Alexander House and other luxury "Houses" that like to pretend they're not just "Shopping Malls" but which have everything in one spot so you can shop for Goods to Desire to your heart's content. (I hate to sound all "Absolutely Fabulous" but Harvey Nichols would have to be my all-time favourite store). When you come over, we'll have to spend an entire day in these Houses so you can shop to your heart's content, ... and you'll notice that there's a cafe immediately to hand where you're allowed to smoke, so the second I'm bored, just give me a sudeko and I'm fine for the rest of the day!

Bottom-end of the market? Well, that's probably a quick trip through Mong Kok Ladies Market and a quick "psst" and meaningful eye-contract with a sharp-young-thing, or a pleasant journey across the border up to Shenzhen to wander through LoWu Commercial District, where they literally have everything your heart desires, very cheap, but made unpleasant by the zillions of touts, beggars, pick-pockets, desperate people, and heinous-mean Red Guards ... although it's not nearly as bad these days as it used to be. Shenzhen's prosperity is taking the edge off the desperateness of the needy!

And in-between? Well, this whole post is really about The In-Between Market, which is what I know best. But you'll have to wait for that because, first, we have to deal with the business of 'what bag to get'?:

I know you want BIG but you must know that "Big" in handbags isn't big in Hong Kong. Yesterday, a slave to this task, I wandered around Landmark House and and asked after Big Handbags, and was told that there wasn't really a market for BIG because, apparently, Chinese woman feel Big overwhelms their smaller framer. The Chanel Hobo you like, well, that one doesn't even exist here, but I will keep looking.

Which raises the question, Erin, are you sure you want a Chanel? I know you're after super-soft leather and big floppy non-structured, but I really think you should really look into Balenciaga because they do super-soft leather and big floppy unstructured in such beautiful, beautiful colours. Chanel can be rather grim. I could get you a big purple floppy unstructured Balenciaga Giant City that's hopelessly gorgeous for HK$25,000. Interested?

Look, I know you want to come here to indulge in blow-the-budget, plunge-me-into-mega-debt style shopping, but you really should know about the place where I found the bargain above:

Milan Station

Milan Station is a chain of second-hand designer bags shops. They are great places to shop, with an enormous range of "looks new" handbags at a fraction of the original cost, but still not cheap! However, they can arrange credit for you on the spot, which is kind of them, when you see something you simply must have.

They have outlets right across Hong Kong, so let me show you a few others:

Double-click to see if there's
anything you particularly want.

Oh, and I hope, Erin, you appreciate the weather I was out in, slaving away, trying to find this stuff out for you!

Hong Kong yesterday.

Actually, I lie. It was an ordinary sunny Spring Day and I was out doing my 10,000 steps when suddenly the sky turned a truly weird livid-lurid putrid yellow colour and within minutes it was all the thunder and lightning and drenching rain and "I just know it's acid" hideousness and I was trapped for over an hour in Landmark and since I was there anyway, decided to put my time to good use, comparison shopping for THE HANDBAG!!!

And on the subject of putting your time to good use, have you considered some of the Chinese brands. Yes, I know we're not as cool as, say, Dior or Chanel, or even Balenciaga, but we're beginning to do seriously nice stuff, and not nearly as expensive.

Do you know Shanghai Tang?

THE SHOP TO SHOP!!

Close-up of shop!
Even comes with
matching con artist!

Everything in Shanghai Tang is unspeakably gorgeous! And the bags! Oh, my!! He makes several in super-soft leather and big floppy styles in the most beautiful, beautiful colours. In fact, go into that link above, and click on "on-line shopping" then look at "accessories" and see how soon you fall in love.

And have you looked into Anna Sui?

Her store in Times Square.

She's American Chinese, but we don't hold that against her. She's sort of "Emily the Strange" for grown-ups and I like her vaguely Goth range of clothes, including her bags. Do look into her before making your final choice.

And then there's Douglas Young's chain of stores "God" ...

God in Causeway Bay.

... which has really interesting handbags along with stunning homewares etc etc. I love God, I worship God, I hang around God and drool over the wonderful miraculousness of God's ways!!

"God" is actually Cantonese for "Beautiful Living", but I'm sure Douglas uses it to be funny, sure, but also to be provocative and even mildly offensive, because his other range of products is called "Delay No More" and that sounds very like the very, very rudest phrase Chinese can say to one another; so rude I'm not repeating it. And if you read the link above, it's about how everyone at "God" got arrested because they were selling "Delay No More" T-shirts!

And on that subject, "You're so kind!" sounds very much like the Cantonese for "You cretinously stupid person!" and that's starting to make the rounds as a secret insult to Foreign Devils, so keep an ear out for it!

So, Erin, that's all for today. On my daily journey of 10,000 steps, I will continue to hunt down the perfect bag for you, so do keep me in tune with your current thinking. Balenciaga looking good to you? Or Shanghai Tang? These things I need to know so I have an idea of where to walk.


Oh, and you will recall this is the same story I've told you before - this "help me buy a handbag" tale - only last time it was my old boss, the Incredible Miss Miller, who asked if I could source for her an orange Hermes Birkin which I did: I found an amazing one in orange ostrich skin discounted to half price, and I was so thrilled with myself for surpassing even her dreams, only ... well, if you'd read that story you'd know that when she discovered that half-price meant HK$250,000.00, she threw it far from her and she screamed "Do you know how many starving African children that would feed!"

Yes, yes, I agree with her. Kinda. The Social Justice part of me (I have a Neptune in Libra or something like that, so I'm fated to give a damn, or something like that!) finds it outrageous folks would fork out so much when there's so much more needful to be done with money! Like, Luang Prabang Orphanage still needs four new roofs.

But that said, let's go shopping!

Thousand Thank Yous!

These are the two gorgeous ladies who returned my camera to me up in Guangzhou. No idea how it got from my bag and into their hands, and since we had no language in common I'm never going to find out what happened, but they chased me down and handed it to me so I think there is indeed a story worth knowing, possibly involving a touch of heroism on their part, so I took their photo and wish to profusely thank them here, no matter what happened.

Thank you a thousand times, Lovely Guangzhou Ladies.

What Kills Us this Week!

You'll recall how, last week, I was raving about Janey Lee Grace's "Imperfectly Natural Woman" and saying how it was full of really scary facts about the killer-chemicals in perfectly ordinary everyday beauty products?

Well, intrigued and wanting to know more, I went out to find other books about what's really in various products and got several recent releases. Seems a lot of people have become concerned so there's a market, and so here's the first one of these I've read and am now recommending: Pat Thomas' "What's in this Stuff?"

Here's what it says on the blurb: "In this fascinating, topical and sometimes shocking book, Pat Thomas reveals that many of the products we use every day contain a cocktail of cheap, poorly tested chemicals that are implicated in long-term health problems. Wide ranging and highly informative ... (this book) examines specific sources of these chemicals - including convenience foods, drinks, beauty products, domestic products, garden and household pesticides - and provides suggestions for safer alternatives."

So even though it isn't about Hong Kong, my panic of choice this week would have to be ...

THREATDOWN

Just about every single thing
you buy anyplace, anytime, anywhere!

What would I give to live in a simpler age! and I don't know how or why this is all Dick Cheney's fault but I'm sure it really has to be.

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Big Brother Gerald is currently in Malaysia. I've never been there so I was very interested in what he had to say about the place:


Before I arrived I thought I was going to write: “Kuala Lumpur is a more chaotic and less colourful version of Bangkok; more humid and less sparky. No Miss Puke Parlours for a start. And then there's those wailing minarets four times a day" ...

But no, I am very impressed. The people are very pleasant, and the city is so clean. Huge open spaces, clean roads, modern and old living in harmony. Friendly helpful people of all shades of colour, from darkest Tamil to whitest Norwegian. Fairly cheap too. Transport is dirt cheap. I even took a taxi into town this morning, and when I tendered a RM50 (about $25) for the RM3 fare, he just said, "no change" and gave me a free ride.

And as for Miss Pukes, the bus guide told us we were staying only a short distance from the blue light district, “Plenty girls” he said, “but just make sure they are girls”. He couldn’t answer the question “How?”. I have been told the best way is to look at the size of their larynxes, but for most men that is looking a bit higher than we normally look.

And the call to prayer call of, “Allahhh wakkkkk-e-bbbbarrrrrr” - God is great - almost drowned out the morning chorus from the mynahs and koukals.

Staying at the five star Renaissance Hotel which is spectacular, just under the amazing Petronas twin towers. It has ornate columns, huge paintings, lush carpets and huge stairs, "one going up, one going down and one going nowhere just for fun". I said that to our friendly vet, Bill Sutherland when inspecting his place. I don't think he was amused.

My new toy, the little Eee PC Net Book computer is really great. Takes up no room at all. Works well. I am going out now to see if I can get a internet café at 5.30 in the morning ...


So, there's the latest on Kuala Lumpur for you. I can see it will shortly become a destination for us as well.