Farewell Jack!

I am very sorry to hear of the passing of Jack B., a charming old gentleman from Ireland I met through this blog. I liked him a lot.

He wrote to me once telling me that, judging by my blog, I lived in a "beautiful world where everyone smiles." and noted that "wherever you go in the world, and you go to places I've never heard of, everyone smiles at you." and wanted to know how I managed this "great accomplishment."

I thought at the time "Say WOT???" because I've never noticed I'm some great smilee ... but since he mentioned it, I've started to notice, and yes, he's right!  People do smile at me alot.

How to I manage this great accomplishment?  I really have no idea.

Although I guess it could be what Mr Soshitty said to me in Cambodia!  You may recall our friend/stalker in Siem Reap who followed us around for days, just standing off in the distance watching us and grinning his face off.  When I asked him why he said it was because I was funny. And when I got all snitty, "Funny good, not funny bad." were his exact words!

And that was pretty much what that gang of tea-drinking gentlemen in Taiwan told me as well.  I told you the story about getting lost looking for the artist village in Taipei but I never mentioned how, during the three hours I kept trudging those stupid streets, I kept passing the same 'cha chan teng' - a little hole-in-the-wall cafe - full of hostile old 'non-English speaking' men who initially glared at me and refused to answer any questions ... but each time I found myself back there again - and they could see I was so clearly taken aback by such an accident - they started to grin ... and the fifth time I found myself back there, well, it was like the funniest thing they'd ever seen.  Gales of side-slapping laughter.  Good natured laughter, I should add, which was very kind of them!

Six time, well, they called me in, gave me a cup of green tea and, suddenly all English-speakers, asked what I was trying to find - Sun Yat-Sen's house, because it was slap in the middle of the artist village - and then to see my map so they could show me where I should go.

Seventh time I accidentally find myself back there again, and, well, they were weak-kneed with laughter, sure, but also a lot pity for such a directionally-challenged fool that a whole gang of them physically marched me to where I could actually see Sun Yat-Sen's house across the road.

As you know, I arrived too late to go in and that's when they hailed me a taxi and, grinning hugely, told me to go straight back to my hotel because they didn't want to have me wandering around in the dark trying to find my way to anyplace else.  And then, when I got into the taxi, they thanked me for giving them such a hilarious afternoon.

So I think that could well be the reason why people all over the world smile at me:  I'm a heady combination of BENIGN and STUPID, and that's something that translates every place on the planet.

So I would really like to thank Jack B. from Ireland for spotting this.  It's nice to know I live in a nicer world than most people do; a world where everyone is amused, benign and kind-to-idiots.

And also, Jack B. from Ireland, R.I.P.

What Kills Us This Week!

HK has the sweetest pack of ACE little girl artists and, man, do they rock!  Carrie Chau you already know since I've been a fan for the longest time. Now I'm also loving b.wing and her sad little bunny-girl.

b.wing's HUGE here. Everyone adores her work and books of her paintings - well, not so much 'paintings' as pen-and-ink-with-wash - are always best sellers.  Lost Little Bunny Girl's fast becoming what Hello Kitty is to little Japanese girls ...

... and please note that Lost Little Bunny Girl too does not have a mouth. It's long worried me that Hello Kitty doesn't, but I think that's precisely what makes her so iconic for little Japanese girls: they are silenced and they know it!

And now this new iconic HK image doesn't have one either.

Critics rave about b.wing and say her enormous popularity among young HK girls is because she precisely captures "their zeitgeist" and, yeah, I can see it.

Hell, I would not be a HK teenager for quids!  Either boy or girl!  But GIRL in particular. Boys can always bunk off to join the triads and get tattoos and great haircuts.  Girls?  Nope, nothing! It's the relentless study, study, study, alone in a high-rise apartment, with parents working 17 hour days to pay for the future she MUST make for them all.

And then there's that entire Sylvia Plath thing she goes on about in The Bell Jar:  that not only do girls have to be successful and clever, they must also be slim and pretty, fashionable and, dammit, outstandingly popular!


The pressure!  The pressure!

You know, don't you, that we're currently in the midst of HK's Annual Suicide Season.  It lasts about six to eight weeks - from the study fortnight for the end of year exams, through the exam period, the waiting-for-results period, and the final flourish after the results come out.

And you know too, don't you?, that the HK Government's masterful response to this annual spate of teenage suicides is to put bungy-jumping rescue teams on all the clifftops, and to issue schools with tents (to cover the bodies so as not to upset the other kiddies) and a useful stack of body-bags.

The horror! The horror!

Lost Little Bunny Girl suddenly makes a lot of sense, doesn't she.

And I'll tell you something else very odd about Lost Little Bunny Girl?  Whenever I've sent links to b.wing images to little girls in other places around the world, they too become instant fans.

And to think that the decades I spent in the Feminist Movement, fighting for the cause, and it's now all come down to this:

THREATDOWN 

The Incredible Journey.

It's been a couple of weeks of lost dogs in our family.  Big Brother Gerald had his two run off during a thunderstorm, and Baby Jane had her pig dog fall off the back of the truck while driving in the Oz Outback.

Frantic couple of weeks for both, driving around searching.

However, Gerald wrote over a week back to say a vintner rang to say he'd found two dogs in his vineyard, one with a broken leg and the other refusing to leave its side and clearly looking after it.

And now Baby Jane writes about her missing dog:

"We spent two days looking for Ruby last week and also had an unsuccessful search over the weekend looking for what I thought would be a mauled, crow-eaten body … but when we got back into phone coverage on Sunday afternoon we heard that a man had spotted her 50km away on the highway between Mt Surprise and George Town so we trekked all the way to George Town with no joy. Got home at midnight last night and rang the guy this morning who said she was last seen heading north back into bushland.

Peter reckoned she was going back to the beginning and so she did!  She made it through the cattle stations 10 80 baits and packs of dingos … between 60-100 km total walking and turned up at dawn right where we camped ... She is now tied up at the Mt Surprise Camping Ground waiting to be picked up … Peter and Thomas have just left for the 5 hour journey this morning to pick her up.

I am so amazed with this beautiful, clever dog. She was gone one week."

And it made the papers too:

So that's all Murphy family dogs  accounted for.  I guess our stars must have configured themselves in "the amazing lost dogs re-discovery" alignment.

Loving This!!!

This gorgeous letter is doing the rounds among NET teachers in HK.  Have no idea where it originated but it's so funny.  

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject:  Poster

I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not too busy could you make a poster for me? It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.

Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

 

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you don't like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

 

 

Regards, David.

 

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

 

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. You seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

 

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
 

Yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

 

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

 

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didn't say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. 

 Thanks Shan.

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

 

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

 

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

The V-Boys!

You may have heard that the Pro-Democracy Rally was "marred by violence".  It's in all the papers, but I was there and I know that's not what I saw.

The newspaper photos of the violence are all the 'V for Vendetta' boys, the Red Shirts and the police, with one cute little camera-boy deep in the fray getting an elbow in the face, his pink-framed glasses flying through the air.

I met the V for Vendetta Boys:

This was early in the March and they were total honeys.  

They told me they were protesting Donald Tsang's Democracy Reform Package (wherein we get to ALSO vote for a one of Beijing's choices of geographic representatives.)

But then I stopped for a while to take photos from the overpass, and bumped into them again about 20 minutes later:

No idea what happened but since I'd last seen them, but now they were "ready to go the strop" as they say in Australia.  Really irked, anyway!

And you know how you sometimes look through your photos and think "Damn, if only I'd shot that one several inches to the side"?  Well, just as I was leaving, my last shot of them is this one:

See that there on the right?  That's a man in a red T-shirt!  I have no recollection if there were more of them, and I left just then ... but after seeing it all in the papers I'm now thinking I left only minutes before the fighting started.

Let me go through my photos again and see if I have image of the boy in the pink-framed glasses?

Nope, not a single shot.  He definitely isn't part of this group.  The poor honey was obviously just in the wrong place at the wrong time, filming!

Anyway, all this much-vaunted violence at this march, and I didn't see a second of it.  Although I did hear a great many vuvuzelas and that was enough of an assault for my taste.

Whoever brought these sodding things back from South Africa's World Cup should be taken out and spanked soundly.  And that would be violence I totally approve of!