Asian Art Exhibition - 2011!

I wish I could say it was good. I really do.

Moreso, I wish I could say that last year's Exhibition 2010 was so brilliant it set the benchmark far too high, so whatever was shown this year would naturally disappoint.

But I can't say that either. Yes, last year's HK Asian Art Exhibition was indeed brilliant; all those endless acres of the most astonishing paintings, sculpture, objects and wonders, most all down from Mainland China, and all so knuckle-biting and awe-inspiring and beyond anything I had ever seen before - I tell you, these Mainland artists are the Saviours of Modern Art!  - so, yes, this year's Exhibition would indeed be hard-pressed to top it ... but I think something has gone very wrong because, this year, to me it looked like no one actually tried to top it. In fact, it even looked to me like, with the odd exception here and there, no one had tried to put together a decent showcase at all.

I don't want to say this, but I will: taken in total, with only the odd exception, I think The Asian Art Exhibition of 2011 is bad; like truly, truly bad!

Full disclosure: I'm no expert! I know very little about art, however I have done several undergraduate courses on "Deconstructing Art" where we were assessed on our ability to take an assigned piece of garbage and veil it in words to make it seem like an important, valuable and significant piece of Art.

I was very good at it, and can still do it to anything, which means I certainly can notice when others are also doing it, which means - 100% - I can also spot when a certain Asian Art Exhibition has been co-opted by Outsiders dumping their sad detritus from dozens of failed shows onto an innocent public, because I stalked through those halls getting crosser by the minute, thinking "That's twaddle! That's twaddle! That's twaddle!  And that's not twaddle; it's tosh! Twaddle! Twaddle! Twaddle! Tosh! More tosh! More twaddle!" and so on and so forth.

And where was Mainland China in among all this unmitigated tosh and twaddle?  Well, eventually I found some pieces down the back, waaayyyy down near "The Empty Carton" Exhibition Hall ...

I wasn't the only one who had to be told that

this wasn't part of the Art Exhibition.

And, to be frank, this would have been far superior

to a lot of what was in "the real exhibition"!

... but although this Chinese art was better than most of the rest of what was shown, most of it was recycled from last year and what was new to me wasn't enough to remove that sour feeling that "There's HK$250.00 that would have been better spent elsewhere."

I think the problems really all started with the start, as horrible things usually do.  You'll recall last year's wonderful entrance, right? 

If you don't, here it is:

 Well, this was this year's:

Check it out: those are the guards telling us we weren't important enough to come through the main entrance, and so sending us out to wander wayyyy down the lobby looking for the tiny little doors we mere mortals were allowed to go through.  Like, you have to pay HK$250.00 to be told you're simply not important enough to enter the regular way?  Since when did Art Exhibitions have Door Bitches?

So you're already feeling sour and cross before you go in ... and then you're immediately confronted by endless acres of ...

It could be just my opinion but a lot of these had me cringing!  Maybe you agree, maybe you don't! 

But, sincerely, if I see even one more Artist Installation ...

 ... someone is gonna get slapped reaaalll hard!

Look, please tell every artist you've ever known that if they have to explain their art ... they've FAILED!!!

I can only, after five hours of exploring, conclude that went so terribly, terribly wrong with this year's HK Asian Art Exhibition.

And no doubt it will have something to do with ...

 ... and a bit of ...

 See you shortly!

Later:  Just heard the news that Mainland Chinese artists boycotted this year.  Seems that we haven't been hearing about it, but ever since Ai Wei Wei was arrested, the Red Guard has been going around China smashing up artists' studios, burning them down and destroying their work. Lots of arrests and imprisonment too.

But that's not why they're boycotting HK this year. From what I've been told, it's because the vultures in the Western Art World don't seem to recognise what's happening up there in China and so are still demanding these artists get new work to them, and get angry when these artists say they don't have anything left to show ... so the ones who still do have work are deliberately withholding it to punish these Foreign Devil Dealers for their insensitivity to the very real dangers Chinese artists are currently facing.

Mmmm, the vultures in the Western Art World.  I'm so very very pleased someone is actually saying it.

They are vile. I've been thinking so for years. Have you ever had any dealings with them? Especially when they're gathered in large herds?  Horrible! All those ghastly chunky blond American women with their mean mouths, or else with collagen-pumped lips trying to mask that they're really nasty, cruel, character-exposing, avaricious slash.

And those ghastly American men who try to look and sound like men who got Art History degrees from Prestigious Universities yet don't quite pull it off.

Oooh, and I've discovered a new species in the Art Vulture World who can only be likened to some sort of horrible disease; one of those diseases like typhoid or dysentery that arises from ignorance and lack of knowledge about the fundamentals. Have you met any yet?

THE AUSTRALIAN ART DEALER!!!!

Man, I'm shuddering even more thinking about these foul dysentery-like people; all these ghastly men who try to look and sound like the men who try to look and sound like the men who got Art History degrees from Prestigious Universities ... and can't even quite pull it off.

And their voices?  Oh man! Please, if you know any of these guys please tell them to STOP that awful camp, condescending "I'm so much better than you!" way of speaking ... or to just shut up.   They're really not fooling anyone - we can all see it's masking ignorance and lack of knowledge about the fundamentals - and faking up that "I'm so much better than you!" attitude really only makes one think of dysentery!

SHUDDER!!!!

However, the sheer vileness of these people all fits in with the theory I've slowly been evolving for the past few decades: that out there somewhere are the REAL art dealers - the men and women who actually did get Art History degrees from prestigious universities - but they never deal with folks like us since they are the preserve of The Establishment.

No, all we ordinary mortals get to deal with are these Art Dealer Vultures, who are really all charlatans and frauds, and who do what they do in order to mask a seriously sinister purpose: to make invisible to us that the Art World we regularly get to see is all sleight-of-hand and "smoke and mirrors". Yup, they're all hiding the fact that The Modern Art World is ONE GIGANTIC HOAX!!!!

The way I see it is that semi-mythical beast known as The Establishment thinks that too many of The Wrong Sort of People have too much money, so they put all these razzledazzle seriously-expensive Worlds out there for The Wrong Sort of People to shop at ... with the aim to soak up that money and leave them, at the end, nothing to show for it.

Baaaaahhaaaa hahahhhaaaa!  And with a mustache-twirl thrown in for good measure!

So that's what we're seeing here at HK Asian Art Exhibition.  Without the presence of Mainland Chinese artists, all of whom have proper serious fundamental skills, masterful craftsmanship and genuine artistry,  most all we're seeing this year is the twaddle and tosh that Art Dealer Vultures of the Western Art World sell to mere mortals at enormous prices to soak up our wealth and leave us empty-handed down the track.

So don't be ashamed to say it:  HK Art Exhibition 2011 is simply bad.

In the interests of fairness, you may like to read a different review: from HK Magazine!

But for me, I can only conclude by saying loudly "The Emperor has no clothes!"