HONG KONG 7s - 2004

In 2004, I hated rugby. Back then, I only knew 15-a-side and detested it because it was so slow and scrummy and made no sense to me. And the way they'd all leap atop each other at every opportunity? To me it all looked like big men flopping around inside a flabby fat girl's blouse. Shudder!!

It wasn't until Saturday, 2004, that I saw 7s for the first time and it was all so clean and fast and slick and suddenly Rugby made total sense to me, and that's when I fell in love with the game.

Here's the letter I wrote home, Saturday 2004. Hopefully, I'll find the other letters from that weekend and put them up as well so you can see for yourself how and why I stopped hating the game and became a Way-Bigtime-Supporter. (Still hate 15s though!)

Keith's off at the Hong Kong Sevens. Lucy offered me her ticket about an hour ago but I've decided - no matter how wonderfully Fiji plays - I don't want to go. Apparently, because it clashed with the SARS outbreak last year, everyone is determined this year will be a party no one will ever forget. 40,000 lager-soaked seriously-partying rugby yoiks! Forgive me for wanting no part of it.

Oh, but here's something good. Jonah Lomu got a ten minute standing ovation from 40,000 people last night. And he was just in the stands. It's the front page story in all the papers today and it's getting more coverage than China's threat to invade Taiwan, and the NCP saying that Beijing will interpret the meaning of The Basic Law for HK, and it'll bring into play the earlier drafts England refused to sign, so that Hong Kong is clear what China intended all along.

Anyway, unlike China, Jonah Lomu seems to have struck a chord with people the world over, as it should since it's truly epic stuff: the greatest player the rugby world has ever seen wiped out by a debilitating disease before his career got properly underway? Even the Chinese feel this story deeply and they were really, really moved by him being there and when they got a mike to him and he said "It's good to be here." the crowds went wild, and then when he said "I'm getting a new kidney this year, and I'll be back in the game by next year. My doctor's promised!" the crowd went ballistic. Gosh, he's a beautiful man too. The Mainland Chinese newspapers have him on the cover; a photograph of him towering like a mountain out of a swarm of Chinese supporters who only reach his waist.

And when the cheering went on and on and on, he started to cry, which just made everyone clap and cheer the harder.

As for the rest, NZ is trying to equal Fiji's 10 game win! Naturally, I don't want them too. I'm hoping Fiji wins for the 11th time and knocks the All-Blacks out of the running. The rest of the world is just hoping England doesn't win for the third time in a row. That would be too, too
devastating! South Korea are the underdogs so everyone's liking them, and South America is sending it's first teams, as is Cook Islands (they've got a Fiji coach, so we're allowed to love them).

Also I now understand why the Chinese know so much about Fiji. It isn't sinister at all. It's just that they're the best 7-a-side rugby team on earth and every March since 1975 they've put us on the map BIG-TIME! And on the lists of Top Ten Scorers, Top Ten Players, Top Ten Games, Top Ten Tries, Fiji pretty much fills every box.

Mmmm, after talking about it, now I want to go. I wonder if Lucy's still around.

Someone totally gorgeous, and you know who you are, has sent me back another of my letters from this particular weekend: (N.B. Should tell you that, in Fiji, where so many races live together in harmony - yes, despite what you read in the papers, this is so! - one of everyone's favourite topics of conversation is the ways in which different races are different. This letter is to someone in Fiji and so is in this vein.)

Fabulous weekend. Perfect weather. Exhilarating playing. Loved it. In fact, I can't stress how much I loved it.

You know, going to the 7s and being surrounded by people of a hundred different nationalities is an amazing experience. Having hundreds of people shouting out in hundreds of different languages and you know exactly what they're saying, kinda, makes you feel all International and sophisticated.

And after two days of been All-International-and-Sophisticated I've learned much: from what I've seen here's what I discovered about different nationalities that I didn't know before:

* Japanese are getting a lot more show-offy and individualist these days.

* Tunisians are sweeties.

* Canadians are "automatic for the people" underdog-cheering types.

* The English seem to have lost whatever they used to have in the honour department; they've kinda become scummy. Or maybe it's just that these Rugger-Buggers are "the wrong sort of people, darling!".

* Koreans are snappy-little-terrier stroppy-types, exactly like the Scottish.

Oh, you should have seen the Korea vs Scotland match. Talk about Laugh! You know how the

Scots are forever going Instant-Stroppy-Bugger? Like, knee-jerk ready to fight? Well, you should see them with the Koreans. Totally meeting their match! All the players were forever forgetting the game and going into chest-to-chest confrontations, trying to slam each other backwards, shaping up to fight, clenched fists, permanent "ready to go-the-stosh!" and "I'll do you, Jimmy!!!" I now think we can all say Korean men are the Scots of S.E. Asia.

Ask Christine if she agrees? Are all Korean men like that, or just their rugby players?

* Mainland Chinese don't appear to understand the concept of Sportsmanship.

* Yanks really are obnoxious. Like, they never stop talking, they always talk so loudly, and how on earth do they always know the exact thing to say that will absolutely p*ss off everyone around them? Do they learn this in school or something?

But to the Game: THE CUP!!! - the best of the best of the best going for the big one: Contenders: New Zealand, France, South Africa, Australia, Argentina, England, Scotland and ... FIJI!!!! GO US, GO US, GO US!!!!

I am sooo proud of Fiji. Every game was sublime and no one could relax down for a second. Nail-biting. We were all standing and yelling the whole time and it was so great. I thought it amazing that I was sitting with a bunch of Canadians and they were with Fiji all the way. Even the obnoxious Yanks behind us were totally getting off on them. That was good because I was feeling all partisan and ready to punch-out anyone who said a negative word about our guys, but I didn't have to:

You should read today's reviews:

Here's what experts were saying about Fiji: "highest calire rugby", "unrelenting excitement from start to finish", "my abiding memory of the second day of HK7s is ... a wonderful day of top grade sport that ... showed Fiji at their captivating best - with a style and a skill level that one can only watch with sheer admiration and joy."

You want to hear more: "Fiji's mercurial stepping and running skills ... a gathering of unsurpassed talent and experience." "conjures up feints and dummies which mesmerise one opponent another another." "Australia barely had a look-in", and "New Zealand's single deficiency, and believe me they are few and far between, is that they do not quite have the overall speed, dynamism and those almost supernatural unorthodox handling skills of the Fijian squad.".

You want more? Let me get another paper. Here we go: "My money is still on Fiji to win and regain the title and status the whole country has been crying out for since they were world champions back in 1997." and "Fiji versus New Zealand would be an epic final."

So there you are. Day 2 of HK7s. Everyone's right, you realise. This really is one of the premier sporting events in the world. Best fun ever!

Found another letter:

England won. 22-12. Nice game. They played well. That's three years in row they've won. Only Fiji and NZ have done this hat-trick before. Not happy! But I can be big about it! Well done, England!

Hey, Tung Chee-Wah just turned up to present The Cup. How cool is that? Don't like him! He's meant to be boss of HK, but he's really just Beijing's Best Boy. But this is different! I like that he's done this!

Fireworks have just exploded over the city. Nice!

Oh yeah, Jonah Lomu was down there with Tung. I like this even more. Guess rugby authorities do know how to use someone effectively afterall. My God, and how tall is Lomu!! Even Tung seems to only come up to his knee. And I LOVED Lomu's Armani suit! That was NICE! He may be on death's door but he looks damn fine! Way to go, Lomulevu!!!

And speaking of looking good, you have to ADORE Argentina's new uniform. They look wonderful, even in defeat. Guess THEY got in "Queer Eye for a Straight Guy" to put them on the right track. China needs to follow their example. Such stupid socks!

So that's it. The Sevens. Over for another year. And next year we've definitely got to buy our tickets a month beforehand. Everyone warned us how it was, but who'd have imagined a simple SPORTS COMPETITION could be this HUGE! We should have listened.

See you later. Go go England! (but said in a very begrudging voice!)

HK7s - How to Insult the Supporters of 24 Nations

HOW TO INSULT PEOPLE FROM 24 NATIONS

Living in Wan Chai as we do, during HK7s weekend we get to encounter a great many obnoxious drunk supporters from a great many nations.  It's therefore handy to know how best to insult them. Somewhere, I've got a list of what to say to them to p*ss them off. Got to warn you, however, some of these phrases I actually have no idea of what they mean, so let me know if they get you punched out:

No, can't find the list.  OK, will put them up when I find it, but in the meanwhile here are a few to get you started:

NEW ZEALANDERS: "You have a funny accent. Are you Australian?"

AUSTRALIANS: "Australia? That's part of Great Britian, right?"

FIJIANS: spoiled for choice here, but "Vi ci!" would do it, but more clever would be "You're from Fiji? Namaste!"

CANADIANS: "America: Canada! Same thing really!"

YANKS: "What small impoverished third-world country hasn't defeated you yet? Oh, I'm talking about  rugby here, not your wars!" Oh, and this year I also came up with a great shuddup for when they say, as they always do, "This game is so dangerous. Why don't you wear padding?"  "Because Mommy doesn't dress us before we go out to play!" (It's an original line by me, but feel free to use it at every opportunity!)

SCOTLANDERS: "Aren't you the guys China defeated?" or, if they're particularly obnoxious "Awa en fook yasel!"

TONGANS: "Fulei ki kasele o kai tae."

THE WELSH: "Drewgi siffilitig!"

SOUTH AFRICANS: "Iy pis my af brew."

SAMOANS: "Muli lapo'a."

ARGENTINIANS: "Are you an escaped Nazi?"  or  "Te la recomes doblada!"

KENYANS: "Bichi!"

ENGLISH: "Princess Anne looks like a horse!"

More of these still to come but please let me know if you have any good ones of your own!

HK7s - 2008

NEW ZEALAND WINS THE CUP!!! DAMMIT!!!

And here's the story of the Entire HK7s Weekend as I saw it:

Thursday Night:

It's HK7 Eve. Wan Chai crawls with hordes of beefy boofheads in rugby jerseys from 24 nations; bar owners rub gleeful hands and d

elighted Mama-sams field three times the usual numbers of winsy little Filippino prossies! You know, the usual for this time of year!

Friday Night:

Very cross with myself. That's what happens when you're selfless.

See, ABC:PI said he had one spare ticket for the entire weekend and access to more and I said "Well, give the one you've got to David (David A is a guy from Fiji who lives in HK and had never been to a game) and I'll have one of the next lot of spares you get." ... and ABC never got any more spares.

So, that meant a long weekend at Devil's Advocate where they have giant TV screens and a live-action feed from the stadium.

They also have lots of alcohol.

Here's how Saturday went down:

Australia v Hong Kong - 26 to 17, and dammit if we (that's we meaning we Hong Kongers) didn't play quite well. It almost looked like we had them there for a while. I felt so proud of us.

Kenya v China - 47 to 0. It was a humilating defeat for our Northern Brethren, sure, but, hard as

it is to believe, there were several occasions when China didn't look too awful. Still have faith that one day, in a generation or so, China will be able to play.

Fiji v Korea - 42 to 7. Reminded me of 2006, when, for a brief heady moment, it looked like Madagascar was going to beat Fiji; the Koreans scored first, and then effortlessly Fiji geared it up. I think we (that's Fiji we this time) do it for courtesy: don't make the little guys look too bad!

And, hey, can you imagine if North Korea ever fielded a team?; they'd be so worried about what Kim Jong Il would do to them if they lost, it'd be a game worth watching.

South Africa v Japan - 40 to 7. Despite the devastating defeat, Japan never for a second looked bad. I tell you, Asia will be a force in Rugby, but not yet.

Samoa v Sri Lanka - 28 to 12. And Samoa's five best players are out because of injuries too. Oh, don't we wish this happened last year.

New Zealand v Taiwan - didn't even bother to record this score, but it was something like 55 to 0. Our (that's our meaning Fiji our) very own Serevi The Sorcerer, now retired from playing, coached the Taiwanese team too but it didn't save them for a second.

Tonga v France - 7 to 21. What on earth happened to our (that our is a Fiji our) Eastern Brethern! I mean, the FROGS beat them! Cringe!

Darling and charming Froggy supporters doing the rounds in Wan Chai!

Scotland v Portugal - 34 to 7. All going as expected so I nipped out for dinner. Didn't want to watch the next game either. Yawn! Foregone conclusion! Don't like seeing the dreadful dawning horror on the faces of the players when Minnows realise just how bad they really are.

Wales v Zimbabwe - 34 to 5.

Argentina v Russia - Although I wanted to see this game, I didn't get back in time. I know Argentina won by a huge margin but I don't know what!

England v Canada - 24 to 12.

USA v Tunisia - 26 to 21. It was close, close, close, and for a while there it looked like Tunisia had them.

But let's look at this logically: when a team like Tunisia - Tunisia! for chrissake! - gives you a run for your money, you can understand why the Yanks don't let any other countries enter into their World Series!!!

And that's it for Day One. More tomorrow.

Saturday Night:

All over for the play-offs. Big games tomorrow. Fun hordes streaming into Wan Chai as we speak. (Please note my artistically blurred photograph ... and I wasn't even wearing my glasses.)

Anyway, to the Games:

Teams playing for the Cup tomorrow: It's the usual suspects plus one surprise: New Zealand, Fiji, Samoa, Australia, England, South Africa, Wales and Kenya. Yup, Kenya! Damn, they're playing well.

As for how the games went down:

Tonga v HK - 56 to 5. No comment. OK, one comment: Pacific Islanders know how to treat their host. Wasn't it kind of Tonga to make HK look good in front of their home audience, even if just for a moment.

Scotland v China - 12 to 19. Does your jaw gape? No, seriously, look again. China - China! - beat Scotland. And it was such a good game. Sharp learning curve, Chinese!

Wales v Korea - 34 to 5.

Agentina v Japan - 19 to 5.

England vs Sri Lanka - 47 to 7.

Look, there are 24 teams and I really can't be bothered typing it all out, so just the highlights:

1) China beat Scotland! No wait, I already told you that. But so good, I'll tell you once more. China beat Scotland! China beat Scotland. China beat Scotland. I can't get over it myself.

2) Yeah, yeah, Fiji won all their games while politely giving each other team a try of their very own, except for one game; I don't remember which. Probably the Kenyans, since those guys are such great athletes you'd be foolish to give them anything.

3) Tunisia can play! Damn, they were good and they kept getting better each game. Trounced the Taiwanese 66 to 5. And even against the Kiwis, when they were truly trounced (38 to 0), they never once looked like flopping wet fish. Again with the sharp learning curve.

And have to tell you, Tunisians are odd-looking Africans! Definitely not African and not even

Arabic in looks. In fact, these guys look more like black-skinned Greeks. Found it curious that they were too Hellenic-looking to be fully African, and then remembered that in ancient times Tunisia was called Carthage, and these were the self-same dudes who rode their elephants across the Alps and destroyed Rome ... and then-and-there decided that Hannibal and co had kick-arse genetic material since it's still there for all to see over two thousand years later. Mmm, wonder if that means Carthagians would have made great Rugby players?

5) From what we witnessed today, Serevi is one hell'va lousy coach. He had Taiwan for months and yet everyone walked over them big-time. And did he care? Well, if he did, we didn't see a second of it. Even during half-time, he'd saunter out to his players and then make jokes with the water-girls.

We had a great round-table discussion about this at Devil's Advocate and decided that the truly gifted make lousy teachers simply because, for them, it all operates at a semi-mystical level and

comes so effortlessly, and thus they can neither explain nor transmit how they do it. Better teachers are those, we all opined, who have hard-won skills, learnt in an easily replicable step-by-step way.

6) And how cool is this? Hong Kong tied - 21 to 21 - with France. Yup, lil' ol' us! Froggy-eaters ... well, almost!

7) Australia very nearly got its arse kicked by Tonga! It was touch-and-go until the very last second and then Australia scored.

8) Samoa v England was the best game to date. Just magic.

Will go now to see if I can figure out how to put photos in here. If you see them, well, then I succeeded. If you don't ...

You see them! Yay! See you tomorrow.

(The first of the 7s revellers arrive in Wan Chai. Please note our gorgeous MTR.)

Sunday Night:

Cup Results: New Zealand beat South Africa, 26 to 12.

Plate Results: France beat Argentina, 17 to 14

Bowl Results: Russia beat Zimbabwe, by heaps and heaps, but didn't write it down. Too depressing.

Fiji? Knocked out in the Semi-Finals by the Kiwis. And I won't tell you what they beat us by b

ecause that's throat-cutting. And no, I don't want to talk about it.

In fact, I don't want to talk about anything. See you later.

Tuesday Morning:

Taken me two days to get over Fiji's humiliating defeat, but I'm back.

Summing up:

Gorgeous weekend. So sorry I didn't get to any of the games, but ... no, I was selfless and David A. went in my stead and he had a great time and I'm very happy about that. (Don't you love it when I'm sanctimonious!) and I'm really happy for the Kiwis who are playing so well at the moment and really deserved to win. (And when I'm lying through clenched teeth!)

And here's The Big News: in South China Morning Post, the story is that Fiji de-magnitised the stadium and, for the first time ever, North Stand was the place to be.

(SCMP forbids the use of their photographs in blogs, but you have to see the Fijian supporters in their silly blue wigs, so here's a photograph obviously taken by me of the image - and how can they object to that!)

Let me summarise from the article:

"The usually quiet and reserved North Stand partied hard all weekend ... by Sunday ... people in fancy dress were reserving seats for friends in the North Stand after "digging the happening atmosphere on Saturday ..." "A colourful crew of 22 Fijians, who have been coming to HK for the Tournament for 11 years, were given the credit for making North the place to be."

Then the article has quotes from Selila Koroi and Naomi Roberts, with the added comments that they passed around word about the big, big bonus of the North Stand: it's right in front of where the players warm up before each game, doing sit-ups and stretches: "the bulging biceps and lycra body suits of the players ... (we see) a great show from the players and I'm not talking about the ones playing." and "they are so hot, so hot, so hot."

Bloody Fijians, ay!!! Can't take us anywhere!

And there's also an article about how many sets of twins played in this tournament: dozens of them from across many nations, it seems. And I'd like to point out another set of twins no one's yet spotted: Kiwi Coach Gordon Tiertjens and French Coach Thierry Janeczek. You check it out and tell me that those two aren't separated-at-birth twins. (As soon as I learn how to download from the newspaper I'll put up photos and you can see for yourself!)

As for us, back in Lockhart Road, watching all on a giant screen, we had a fabulous time and we met some gorgeous people from a great many countries. Actually, I'll tell you about one since this is so interesting: absolutely the best looking man I've ever laid eyes on, Alex from Argentina.

No, I'll wind up the story of the weekend, and then tell you.

So that's it. All over for 2008. Great fun. Great games. Great heartbreak. And Keith swears blind that this year he'll pay his dues at one of HK's Rugby Clubs so we can get tickets for next year.

(Will add many photos to this when I learn how.)

See you in the North Stand in 2009!!!!

ALEX FROM ARGENTINA'S STORY:

Alex, right?, is six four and unspeakably gorgeous in that lean Teutonic way, and between games we start chatting (gosh, the Argentinian accent is yummy) and I say to him "How come you're a blue-eyed blond and you're from Argentina?" and he says "How come you've got white skin and come from Fiji?" and it's such a good point I shut up for a while, but dammit if my mind isn't ticking over along sinister lines.

And then, being me, I can't help myself and say "Whereabouts in Argentina are you from?" and he says "I live in Buenos Aires but I'm originally from Villa General Belsiana" BINGO!!!! Knew it, knew it, knew it!!!!! So I say "That's where all the escaped Nazis went to! Are you an escaped Nazi?" and astonishingly he says "No, but my grandfather was!"

He's so charming and gorgeous and nice, I go for it and ask the most impossibly rude questions, like: "What are Villa General Belsiana and Bariloche (the other escaped-Nazi stronghold) really like? Is it all Odess-stye Secret Societies, and Master Race Breeding Programs, and secret goose-stepping and 'heil hitlering', and scientists in dark labs attempting to clone Hitler?" and he's laughing uproariously and eventually says "No, they are both very tolerant places with a significant proportion of Jewish, Irish and Italian families." and then he tells me lots of great stories to illustrate what lovely places these are, and concludes by saying "Losing the war really took the wind out of the Nazi sails and, as far as I know, they all gave it up." and even later "There's been a lot of intermarriage in both towns. My own mother is a Catholic from Ireland." ...

... and that's when we switched over to talking about the religious problems in Ireland, and I get no more stories about Nazi strongholds in Argentina.

And, dammit, even if Alex isn't from some Master Race Breeding Program, he's gorgeous enough to be ... and since we're talking about a man who's seriously, seriously gorgeous and charming and intelligent and nice, I'm finding it hard to really see anything wrong with that. Hell, I'd even breed with him myself. And, what the heck, it wouldn't even have to be breeding.

And it wasn't until afterwards that I remembered that my very own great-grandfather, Julius Burkhardt, was an Argentinian-German - although he left there in about 1890 - and so I should know firsthand that there were Germans in Argentina before WWII and therefore I shouldn't be so convinced that every German from Argentina is descended from Nazis ... but it's so cool that I didn't remember this in time and thus got such a lot of first-hand good stories from someone who was descended from an escaped Nazi ... and there are not too many people, I imagine, who could say that.

Why Asians Can't Play Rugby

Our friend Nathan is a big guy. From a Vietnamese Chinese family, he was born and grew up in Oz and as a kid showed a lot of promise as a rugby player. But it never happened!

Nathan has given a lot of thought as to why and here are the results of that thinking:

Nathan

Nathan's Treatise on 'Why Asians Can't Play Rugby!'

Size has nothing to do with it! All nations produce big stroppy guys so theoretically any nation could play Rugby! But not Asians.

Why is that?

Well, according to Nathan, it's all really about Mummy and her attitude to blood!

Yup, whether or not a nation can play Rugby decently always depends on the collective mummy's reaction when her kiddie gets hurt!

Nathan knows this first-hand. He is a big guy for a Cantonese and he looks like he could play well, but he says he lost the small window of opportunity to get good because his mum couldn't cope with the blood.

It's an entire attitude thing. See, during his Primary School years in Australia, whenever Nathan got into fights and did damage, he noticed that the other-guy's mum would spray on some betnovate, stick on a band-aid and send him off to fight some more, "And make sure you win this time!" she'd shout as he walked out the door.

But with him, whenever he came home bleeding, his mum would scream and cry and want to know exactly what happened and it always got turned into a big deal and frequently she would ring the other boy's parents to complain, and since they never took it seriously enough for her taste, she'd then phone the police to complain.

He found her attitude very strange because a lot of the time he'd start the fights. He genuinely liked fighting and liked being around other boys who did too.

And then what happened was, after a great many fights, the teachers at his primary school noticed his natural stroppiness and got him to channel it into playground recess-rugby and there he discovered he had a real flair for the game, and eventually his talent was spotted by higher-ups and he got to play for the school ...

... but then, after about a year of great playing, his mum came to a game and the first time she saw him tackled she came down into the field and - cringe, horror! - ordered him off the field and he was dragged home where his mother wept bitter tears for hours, unable to believe that he let other people do that to him, and it went on for so long his father got involved and the upshot was that he was never allowed to play Rugby again.

Now he's an adult, because of his size he's always being asked to play but mummy lives inside his head going "Oooh, you'll get hurt!' and that's the end of that!

And that, according to Nathan, is multiplied a billion times over, in every house across Asia and THAT'S precisely the reason why Asians can't play Rugby.

HK7s - THE GREATEST PARTY ON EARTH

Upfront, let me tell you that it isn't hype. HK7s genuinely are - absolutely - the greatest party on earth. You cannot imagine how much fun it is. It really is one of those things you have to do at least once in life: come to HK to watch the HK7s.

(SCMP forbids you to use their 
photographs in blogs, but, hey, 
this is a photograph taken by me 
so how can they object to that!)

And if you need any urging to fall in love with this game yourself, check out this short:






And if that doesn't work, try this:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDyb8rqlLNI

OK, now that you've seen it played, did you fall in love with the game?

HISTORY

HK7s began - obviously - in Hong Kong back in the 1850s because they couldn't get enough players to put together a regular match schedule (Cantonese played soccer back then, although they do play Rugby now - only not well - but they're getting better all the time) so they decided to field only seven men per side while playing on a field of the same size. Naturally they then had to adjust the game slightly to accommodate.

For 120 years, 7s was endemic to here, but, back in the early 1970s, the Kiwis and Fijians noticed how fast and slick this game is, so challenged HK to a match. It was so much fun and everyone just loved it so much, they regulated it into an annual event ...

... and, to everyone's astonishment, HK7s turned out to be the biggest and best party in SE Asia, so it's just grown and grown til now, thirty years later, it's got 82 nations who vie for the Melrose Cup every four years and 124 nations who play it.

(I could tell you that I used to date Jack Davies who was a player at the very first HK7s ever, but that would give you some idea about how old I am.)

And there are 100 things, according to the papers, that have made HK7s so great. I'm definitely not typing out all 100, but here are The Top Ten:

THE LEGENDS OF HK7S

#1 The South Stand: This is where all the naughty people sit. Total party zone! Everyone wears fancy dress and behaves badly. (2005, Jackie Powell from Savu Savu was trying to organise all the Fiji people to claim a spot there for Sunday's games but I noticed on TV the Fiji group was sitting just immediately outside it so I guess no one arrived in time. Isn't that so Typical Fiji-style!)

#2 Fiji's Waisale Serevi "The Magician". Also known as "The Sorcerer". I feel so proud!

#3 New Zealand's Jonah Lomu, "The Colossus". After years of battling his kidney failure, he came to HKs in 2004 (I think. Don't entirely trust my memory) as a guest of HK Rugby and when HK saw him in the stands the entire stadium of 40,000 people stood up and clapped and cheered for over ten minutes. Ever see a big man cry?

#4 All-Black Eric Rush "The Indomitable"

#5 "The Pie-Man": This is the fat guy who, for the last decade, sits shirtless in the South Stand eating pies and drinking beer! He's hideous and during the boring bits between games, someone in the South Stand always shoutss "Who gobbled all the pies?" and everyone else chants "The Fat Bastard! The Fat Bastard!" and the pie-man stands up and bows, his enormous belly wobbling disgustingly! And it's always shown on the giant TV screens and beamed out to the world. And now he's LEGEND #5! Good one!

# 6 Oz David Campese "The Wing Wonder"

#7 "The Mad Hatters": this is a bunch of South Stand women who, for 30 years, have been turning up in identical stupid hats.

#8 The enormous TV screens: Biggest in Asia

#9 "The Waking Dragon": Back in 1991, China noticed Rugby for the first time and liked what they saw and, ever since the Handover in 1997, they've been sending a team to HK7s; pretty crappy teams, sure, but still ... give them time! According to our friend Nathan, Rugby players are fostered from toddler-hood, so it'll take an entire generation before we need to take China seriously. (I should tell you more about Nathan's treatise on "Why China can't play Rugby", but some other time.)

#10 The Clean-up Crew: so deserved! See, every year HK City Council Cleaning Team - aka The Grumpy Grandmas - end each of the three days of play soaking wet, literally dripping with the vast quantities of beer thrown at them by drunken revelers, then they stay up all night to clean the Stadium between days and they say it takes them a full week to clean up after the weekend's over - with four days spent on The South Stand alone ...

... and never once in 30 years has a Grandma ever lost her temper, grabbed a spectator and screamed, in Cantonese obviously, "I'll do you, Jimmy!" so they definitely deserve their Legend Status!

So that's your Top Ten Legends of HK7! Now, let me read the rest of this list and see if there's anything you'll be missing out on if you don't know.

Oh, here's one: LEGEND # 13: The Minnows: right from the start, thirty years ago, the decision was made to allow "Minnows" to play during those years when it isn't the World Cup. This means that any country just needs to ask and space is made for them in the schedule. The oddest countries/people are forever turning up, like once there was a village team from PNG.

Minnows are always slaughtered, sure, but everyone always cheers them on, and if they ever get a try or do something even marginally great the 40,000 strong crowd goes wild.

2006's Minnows were Sri Lanka and Madagascar, both of whom wanted to celebrate their tsunami recovery by sending a team. Normally, they couldn't afford it but the world was very generous to them when their countries were wiped out! (Isn't it nice to think that all your donations were put to such great use.) But you have to admit it was spectacular to think that fielding a team for the HK7s was top of their list of things to do with the last of their charity donations.

Anyway, here in HK we'd been hearing so much about the aftermath of the tsumani - because we, as a country, donated zillions to the cause - that when the various charities said these places had finally done all the clean-up and rebuilding, and under budget too, we said they could keep the last US$20,000 to do with as they wanted...

... and both these countries said "We want to send our best rugby team to the HK7s!!!" Isn't that astonishing! We were #1 on two different countries wish list!!! This touched such an enormous chord with HK, they were welcomed with open arms - and penguins in the case of Madagascar.

No, seriously! A anonymous bunch of guys dressed up as penguins and followed the team around the whole time they were here ... and since the movie "Madagascar" was never shown in Madagascar, not a single one of them got the joke. Honestly, they must have thought HK was mad! Anyway, when HK realised that we had Madagascar completely flummoxed, their hotel put on a special showing of the film. Nice, la? They liked the film too, but were still vaguely insulted that the rest of the world saw them that way!

Oh, and never let anyone tell you that Sri Lankans are small. Those players were at least as big as the Kenyans and Kenyans are BIG!

But if you want to know anything bad about the game, the worst thing about the 7s is that there are 40,000 seats and only 5% of the tickets are sold in HK. Yup, with a population of six and a half million, they only put 2000 tickets on sale here. The rest of the world gets the rest, so never assume you can just rock up here and get them. You can't. They are like hen's teeth. (Oh, wait! Yes, you can get them here. Scalpers from England hanging around the stadium on the day always have a heap to sell, and they charge major bucks for them too, particularly for the Sunday games, so if you want to do it this way bring your fattest wallet full of cash.)

REVIEW OF HK7s

Back in 2006, I found an amazing review of The Game by somebody big in the British sporting world. After talking lots about what a great game HK7s was in general, he went on to talk about Fiji calling it a "Shining Star amid a Galaxy of Stars", and he throws in lots of words about Fiji players, saying how they were "magical and mesmerising" and he then talked about our "resourcefulness, athleticism, power, pace, grace and flamboyance".

He also used the word "dazzling" in abundance.

And then he ends the section talking about the 7s game he'd just watched, saying he had to pinch himself that two of the best players he had ever known - who he'd previously seen playing for Bordeaux and London - Nanuku and Rokobiau - were, when they played for Fiji, scarcely needed. He said he could scarcely credit that any country could be so rich in talent that these two mainly sat on the bench.

He then talked about the ones who were played in the game:

Cousins A. and V. Satala he called "huge, fast magic-makers."

Naveo he called "the man-mountain with a furious turn of speed"

William Ryder "the new heir" who had "twinkling feet"

Delasau he called "ruthless, with astonishing strength and speed",

and then he waxed lyrical for a long time about "the irrepressible, magnificent Bobo."

And when he came to Waisale Serevi himself our hero got several long paragraphs covering his entire 20 year career and he was called things like "wizard" and "sorcerer" and "magic-maker".

Really good stuff. I was so proud.

HONG KONG 7s - 2006

Wan Chai is chokka with big, beefy boofheads from a hundred different nations (I'm amazed how rugby players are a tribe of their own, no matter where they're from!) and they're down there in Lockhart Street as we speak seriously hitting the bars and even the meanest mamma sams are looking happy ...

... so we all know what's just on the horizon!

Yup, it's HK7s time again. This weekend! YES! Tickets here sold out in two hours but hardly any locals can make Friday's games so I'm going for free on a NZ ticket! YES!!!

After that? Well, it was so much fun at Devil's Advocate last year's HK7s and during the WTO riots I'll be in that Lockhart Street pub the entire weekend watching on their live-feed big screen TV!

And here's the gem so far: just now we met a bunch of boofy beefheads ex-college gridiron players from North Carolina down at Delany's, our local Irish bar, and they were being so very very funny, saying all sorts of things like "We're here to check out this HK7s but we don't reckon it'll be as good as American football" and "This year we're sending all these NFL washouts so we have it in the bag!"

Isn't that GREAT!! So charmingly naive! I was being funny and saying "Yeah, you'll smash 'em like guitars!" and they were going "We'll smash 'em like the whole orchestra!" not realising my reference was to the Yank Swimming Team saying "We'll smash 'em like guitars!" about the Oz Swimming Team when they arrived for the 2000 Olympics and then getting so totally and utterly humiliated!

So funny, these US supporter guys not realising they don't realise they don't stand a snowball's chance in hell and the only reason they got best of the Second Rankers in HK7s last year was because they bought in three Fijians and a Maori. They are sooooo going down! Yes! Yes! Yes!

And I loved these guys being so obnoxious because it's nice having a team to hate and they just gave me one! Honestly, how can anyone be so stupid as to imagine bloody NFL washouts have a chance against Fiji, NZ, South Africa, England, Australia and not to mention Germany, Italy and Tonga et al!? USA could send it's very best players and STILL not have a snowball's chance in hell!

And on a less vengeful note, Madagascar has sent a team for the first time, using their left-over Tsunami Relief money. Everyone's making fun of them because they're all such little guys, but no one seems aware that Madagascar celebrated "100 Years of Rugby" last year with a massive celebration involving the entire island, and that despite only being little guys they reach the semi-finals of Trans-Africa Rugby 15s Cup most years, and that the entire country is as Rugby Mad as any Pacific Island Nation ...

... and that these people have been proven, via DNA testing, to be the ancestors of the Fijians AND the entire Polynesian races, so it's not just in the genes: it is the ORIGIN of the genes! I think they are going to surprise everyone BIGTIME ...

... and their first game is against Fiji Friday afternoon AND I'LL BE THERE! YES!!!

See you later.

This letter was simply filling in the details for someone who wasn't able to see the games at the time and was desperate to know what was happening:

Aching all over! Two days of sitting in a pub - mostly Devil's Advocate on Lockhart Road in Wan Chai - and I feel like I've played every game. Hurt everywhere.

The third-ranking semi-finals are on so watched China win against HK and then scarpered. Oh, today, China's playing all their team members who have Irish accents - Irish Chinese - so they're playing a lot more fairly. I guess, och ai, at least those Mainlanders who were raised in Ireland understand the concept of Sportsmanship!

Now, who's who so far:

Third-rankers playing for the Bowl: HK, Singapore, Italy, China, USA, Sri Lanka, Madagascar (so sad! They came here so confident!) and Taiwan.

Quarter-finals: HK beat Singapore, China beat Italy, Sri Lanka beat USA (snigger!) and Taiwan beat Madagascar. Now on, Semi-finals China thrashed HK decisively, 36 to 7 or something. Didn't care who won out of Sri Lanka and Taiwan so am not watching it ... which is kinda sad because Sri Lanka said Rugby became huge to them after the heart-break of the tsunami, so they decided that when they felt fully recovered they'd send a team to HK7s to celebrate. And here's me not caring! (Madagascar said the same thing about tsunami recovery and HK7s, but they've always been Rugby Mad! Didn't need a giant wave to teach them to value it!)

Second-ranking teams playing for the Plate: Kenya, Russia, France, South Korea, Canada, Japan, Portugal and Wales.

Quarter-finals: Kenya beat Russia, France beat South Korea, Canada beat Japan but only just, and Wales beat Portugal. I'm determined to watch Wales play later, but only because their team is so gorgeous. I don't know where Tom Cruise's ancestors come from, but the entire team looks like a collection of Young Tom Cruises. Mmmmm, yummy! Not to be missed! Also gorgeous are the Argentinians but all their guys have German surnames and they are probably the relics from Hitler's Master-Race Breeding Program so I'm determined not to admire them too much.

And the BIG MEN playing for the CUP!!!: Fiji, Scotland, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Argentina, Samoa and England.

Quarter finals: Fiji beat Scotland but only just; really sloppy game. Fiji's going to have to get it together before meeting NZ in just over an hour! Then NZ beat Australia (big punch-up mid-match, bloody Australians! But it was NZ's Nigel Hunt who got sin-binned for it and he was only defending the Kiwis beneath the mound of Aussies! Guess the Sri Lankan ref. was blind!)

Then South Africa beat Argentina, and England beat Samoa. So close. Samoa had a brilliant run in the final seconds that looked like it won them the game, but the Blind Sri Lankan Ref didn't give it to them. Poor Samoa, it's been fluttering on the edges of greatness for years now! It deserved a shot! Boooo hiss Sri Lankan Referees!

Devil's Advocate then had a bunch of Aussie's arrive who wanted to watch the Australian Grand Prix and they kicked up a big fuss about it so the pub switched over one of the giant TV screens, and then these pushy Oz-dunderheads wanted the HK7s sound turned down so they could hear the cars zooming around. I mean, what's there to hear? Like brmmmm brrrmmmmmmm brmmmmm!

We left and are now watching it in another pub, this time surrounded by Scotsmen. It's fun being the only Fiji supporter in the game against Scotland, but it was kinda OK because we all agreed that Fiji, och ai!, was playing BRAE WEE BADLY!

Oh, better go: Kenya is about to play France and I really like the Kenyans. They gave Fiji a run for their money yesterday. 29 to 7, sure, but they really kept Fiji from scoring. Nice nail-biting game there for a while.

Will write more later!

Denise

LATER LETTER

China played Taiwan for the Bowl. Politically volatile, I know, but that's just how it ended up.

So, what happened?

China slaughtered Taiwan in something like 58 to 0, which undoubtedly will have the match totally approved by CCP and they'll probably put the game on high rotation on Chinese television ... needless to say, without mentioning they were Third-Rankers, but I didn't mind since discovering a lot of the China team have Irish accents, since they're from Irish boarding schools, which is so cute! Like Cho Chang from Harry Potter, only not quite.

And the best bit was right towards the end of the game when a Chinese player said something to a Taiwanese player and the Taiwanese guy smacked him one big-time. The Chinese guy looked all innocent and was spreading his hands at the ref like he was asking that the Taiwanese guy be sent off but the ref ignored it.

I do hope the papers say what was said but it was obviously something volatile; perhaps he said "Reunification!" or "We have 40 nuclear war-heads aimed into the heart of your capital city!" or "President Chen shot himself!" or "This is a taste of what'll happen when we invade your country."

Plate Finals was Kenya against someone, maybe France! I think the French won but could be wrong since I was having a meal at the time. No, no, I'm wrong! It was the Welsh! But I wasn't very interested since the Young Tom Cruises never seem to score so the coverage is always of the ugly guys with Hobbit faces and Hobbit surnames and that's hardly fun!

And the biggest biggest news: Fiji in the Finals for the Cup!! Yaaayyyy! Against England, I think, but after the brilliant games defeating the Kiwis, who cares.

EVEN LATER LETTER

Deeply, deeply sad. So heartbroken I can hardly tell you! Fiji lost the Cup, and under really dreadful circumstances too.

It was the last five seconds, and Fiji was a fraction ahead and looked like scoring again and there was a tackle and all the English guys threw themselves atop the guys on the ground and the ref blew the whistle and everyone separated and there was a Fiji guy just lying there, not moving, with his arm at this impossible angle like it was snapped off in the middle of the forearm, and the stretcher bearers came running on, and we were all going "What happened? What happened?" "Who is it?" and the replay was being done from all different angles trying to see what had gone down ... when suddenly the ref blew the whistle and the game began again but the entire Fiji team was watching the stretcher bearers who weren't even yet off the field and England scored and with the conversion it meant they won. It was just so wrong and so dirty I'm deeply, deeply sad about it.

I haven't seen the papers yet so I still don't know what happened. SMS from Fiji said they thought it was Daunivocu, which is just heart-breaking, although not as heart-breaking as if it had been Serevi or William Ryder - everyone is seeing him as Serevi's eventual replacement - but Daunivocu is just a beautiful man-mountain who scored spectacular try after try, so it's serious and I'm upset about it.

Since no one can ever accuse Fijians of having bones that are easily broken, and this one was snapped off backwards, all I can think is that, while inside that scrum, someone must have held the arm upwards and someone else must have kicked it. Oh, you really have to see that break.

Oh, and the Cup was handed over by Donald in his best red bow-tie and by John Major, former British Prime Minister, looking not a single day older than when he lost to Tony Blair. Love to know how he accomplished that since it must be ten or twelve years ago I last saw image of him.

OK, that's it for 2006 HK7s and I'm never mentioning this subject to you ever again.

Denise

Found this link to a score tried by Tomasi Cama back when he played for Fiji in 2006. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVAx6wQcrUQ&NR=1

AND AN EVEN LATER LETTER (there's no keeping me down for long, is there!)

Cheered up somewhat and just read the papers and here's what's new:

Sunday's headlines read "We Spanked the Yanks" and it was all about HK beating the US. It was HK's first ever HK7s win and so it was MAJOR but they fair-mindedly added that the US team was so weak it wasn't even fun to tease them this way! (You'll notice I'm barely sniggering anymore either.)

Also everyone's saying that the HK team should have a red bow-tie on the front of their shirts, and some Kiwi made up a Hong Kong Hakka that really took off in the South Stand. It goes "Armani, Armani, LV, LV." etc, etc. Cute, la?

What else can I tell you? Oh, everyone walked all over Madagascar, which is sad because they were so confident when they arrived. The closest they came to a real game was playing Russia which had a score of something like 17 to 24. All their other games, well ... let's not mention the scores! Very embarrassing!

Oh and in their interview after the Fiji game they said they realised they had to develop exceptional skills to take them on again, but they intend to develop those skills quickly so they can avenge themselves in the near future. (Oooh, Fiji's on notice! Tremble, everyone!) Then they reckoned they were a match for the other teams they'd play later. So didn't happen for the poor darlings ...

... although they did get to meet Jackie Chan, who is Madagascar's biggest star, and that thrilled
them no end. Did it make the trip worth it? I'll have to read tomorrow's papers to find out and let you know.

Hope you're having fun in England? Good wedding? Is it freezing? Don't you wish you were here?

Denise