Why Asians Can't Play Rugby

Our friend Nathan is a big guy. From a Vietnamese Chinese family, he was born and grew up in Oz and as a kid showed a lot of promise as a rugby player. But it never happened!

Nathan has given a lot of thought as to why and here are the results of that thinking:

Nathan

Nathan's Treatise on 'Why Asians Can't Play Rugby!'

Size has nothing to do with it! All nations produce big stroppy guys so theoretically any nation could play Rugby! But not Asians.

Why is that?

Well, according to Nathan, it's all really about Mummy and her attitude to blood!

Yup, whether or not a nation can play Rugby decently always depends on the collective mummy's reaction when her kiddie gets hurt!

Nathan knows this first-hand. He is a big guy for a Cantonese and he looks like he could play well, but he says he lost the small window of opportunity to get good because his mum couldn't cope with the blood.

It's an entire attitude thing. See, during his Primary School years in Australia, whenever Nathan got into fights and did damage, he noticed that the other-guy's mum would spray on some betnovate, stick on a band-aid and send him off to fight some more, "And make sure you win this time!" she'd shout as he walked out the door.

But with him, whenever he came home bleeding, his mum would scream and cry and want to know exactly what happened and it always got turned into a big deal and frequently she would ring the other boy's parents to complain, and since they never took it seriously enough for her taste, she'd then phone the police to complain.

He found her attitude very strange because a lot of the time he'd start the fights. He genuinely liked fighting and liked being around other boys who did too.

And then what happened was, after a great many fights, the teachers at his primary school noticed his natural stroppiness and got him to channel it into playground recess-rugby and there he discovered he had a real flair for the game, and eventually his talent was spotted by higher-ups and he got to play for the school ...

... but then, after about a year of great playing, his mum came to a game and the first time she saw him tackled she came down into the field and - cringe, horror! - ordered him off the field and he was dragged home where his mother wept bitter tears for hours, unable to believe that he let other people do that to him, and it went on for so long his father got involved and the upshot was that he was never allowed to play Rugby again.

Now he's an adult, because of his size he's always being asked to play but mummy lives inside his head going "Oooh, you'll get hurt!' and that's the end of that!

And that, according to Nathan, is multiplied a billion times over, in every house across Asia and THAT'S precisely the reason why Asians can't play Rugby.