The Cooking Wars!

We all know that China is forever creating international outrage with the toxins they're forever adding to food, but are you aware there are other foodie-grounds on which the rest of the world should be furious with them as well?


We first came across what China is actually up to at a bakery on Lantau. "Look, Kelly." I said to an Australian friend. "They've got lamingtons!"

The baker looked shocked. "You have heard of La Ming Ton?" she said.

"Yes, they're are a very famous Australian delicacy!"

The baker-lady didn't know what to think! "But this is a new delicacy invented in China!"

Kelly immediately got all Puffed-up Patriotic!

"Sorry. Lamingtons are AUSTRALIAN! We invented them over 100 years ago." she said, outraged!

"No, these are Chinese."

"Australian!"

"Chinese!"

"Australian!"

A bunch of "Foreign Devils" were passing the shop. "Any of you Australian?" I called out to them. "Yes!" said two. "Can you tell this lady what these things are called?" I said. They didn't even bother to come into the shop. "They're lamingtons." they said from the doorway. "And can you tell her where they come from." "They from Oz!" "100% sure?" "Yeah, 100% plus!" they said with a sneer.

Poor baker-lady looked upset, disappointed and angry all at the same time, but we didn't know then the reason why.

The explanation came about six weeks later when Rosemary turned up at Kiwi Heather's party with "the greatest Chinese invention ever!"

"You have to try this!" said Rosemary. "This is the most delicious food I have ever eaten!"

At that moment, Kiwi Heather came into the room. "Ah, you've made me a Pavlova!" she sighed, placing her hands over her heart, deeply touched.

"This is the latest dessert from China."

"No, this was invented in New Zealand." said Heather, huffy.

Well, that started it! Everyone Antipodean entered the fray. "Australia! It was invented in Australia.", "No, it's a Kiwi dish!" "No, it's Australian." "No, it's Kiwi!" "It's Australian!" "Yeah, just like Russell Crowe is Australian." "And don't forget Split Enz!", "Sam Neill!", "Dragon!", "Phar Lap!", "You always take what's ours!", "You can't even play cricket!", "We're the creative nation, and you're just a bunch of convicts, always stealing our creations!" and on and on and on and on, with several mentions of the All Blacks thrown in for good measure!

"China doesn't stand a chance in this one!" I said to Rosemary. "This is called a Pavlova and it's part of an old, old, old war!"

And that's when we first heard about the Mainland Chinese website that charges a great deal of money for New Original Chinese Recipes! About a dozen foodie-folk at Kiwi Heather's party subscribed to it, and just LOVED it, and hero-worshipped the chef-in-question, forever buying her "original recipes" for a very high price.

"Did she tell you how to make La-Ming-Ton about six weeks ago?" I asked.

"Yes!"

Ahhh, mystery solved!

Everyone was most upset to discover that their new great foodie hero was a big fat cheat, so Keith, who once worked as a chef, kindly said that you only had to change 2% of a recipe to call it "original" so she wasn't really that much of a cheat ... but the rest of us argued that National Icon Dishes were Sacred and no one could EVER claim them for their own ... and that's the side I'm on.

So, there you go! This is something which you too could come across in the near future, so get ready to do your bit. As folks from Nations-that-are-NOT-China, we have a sovereign duty to protect our own and stomp this Outrage into the ground ... but only when she picks on our own Nation's Iconic Dishes. Ohhh, if I ever find kokonda or palusami up there, she's a dead one!