China Travel Tip!

Since my husband is likely to read this, let's call it a hypothetical:

Just say you're in China, right?, and in a high state of dudgeon (hey, an oxymoron!) and you think if you don't do something about it you're going to blow a gasket ... so you do the sane thing and find yourself a nice spa nearby (no names) and go in to get yourself a massage.

And just say there's a list of services in the lobby and you look through them and you notice one you haven't had before called "Lady Massage", and so you book yourself one of those.

Then, five minutes later, you're in the buff in a little room when a personable young man dances in and introduces himself as "Wang" and you quickly realise, because, um, you've accidentally found yourself in this postion before, that Wang is there to give you, um, "a little wang action" ... and so you freak, right?, "Mo Wang! Mo Wang!" and Wang races out looking slightly chagrined and a committee of twenty clusters around the door, frantic to know why you're so displeased, and there's hardly a word of English among the lot and you're sitting there clutching a tiny little towel over your nakedness and it's all very fraught until the smart one in the committee says "Aaahhh! Body Massage!" and everyone, including you, goes "Hi hi, Body Massage", and the whole scene explodes into laughter at the misunderstanding. And after a whole round of "Hi ho! Hi ho! Hi ho!", a very nice little old lady scurries in clutching a bottle of ylang ylang oil, and the whole spa settles down again to normality.

So, on the grounds that some of us must suffer so the rest don't have to, I offer you the very sage piece of China Travel Advice: don't ask for a Lady Massage unless you're wanting Wang!