Another Jacinta's Burning!

Someone mentioned how funny they found my post "Jacinta's Burning" and my mind completely blanked and I said "I'm sure I've never written anything about Jacinta's fire stories!"  However, I've just realised I was thinking of an entirely different Jacinta and an entirely different set of fires, and that the Jacinta R. fire story was even better than the Jacinta G. story.

What happened there was, many years ago, in the late 80s, Jacinta R. was one of my students; a truly nice kid who was exceptionally creative, clever and, in the three years I taught her, did some exceptionally exciting work for me ... but ...

... one day in class she said she hadn't got her latest assignment finished because her neighbour's house burned down the evening before, and it was such a good excuse I willingly gave her a weekend's extension.

But then, only weeks later, the very next assignment, she said she hadn't got it finished because her neighbour's house had burned down. It was very far-fetched so I said "You do realise you've already used that excuse." but she swore blind that this was a different neighbour and a different house.

OK, strange things do happen so I accepted it and, reluctantly, gave her another weekend's extension.

But again, only several weeks later, she said she hadn't got her assignment finished because her neighbour's house had burned down, and this time I lost it. "I am not stupid!" I shouted at her "And I'm deeply insulted you think I am.  No!  This is not good enough.  You are on detention lunchtime today and this afternoon, and you're staying on detention until this assignment is complete."

So that's what happened and when it was finally handed in, I snarled at her. "And don't you EVER try to use this excuse with me again!"

But ... again, again several weeks later, she brought along a note from her mother saying "Jacinta hasn't got her assignment finished because our neighbour's house burned down."

Usually, these sorts of notes are written in a kiddie hand and this one wasn't, but nonetheless "You wrote this!"  I said, almost not angry because it appeared to becoming a running gag.

"Ring my mother and ask her." Jacinta snarled, very sullen and cross.

I did indeed ring her mother, a lovely lady who greatly impressed me as an artist, but she too was sullen and angry.  "Jacinta told me to expect your call." she grumbled.  "My daughter is very honest and would never lie.  When she says our neighbour's house burned down, that's exactly what happened!" and she slammed the phone down.

All too weird for words, right?  And I definitely didn't believe a word of it, but because I respected her mother and didn't want to call her a liar, I granted another extension.

Next due assignment, she didn't even bother to come to school and, on Monday, when she again mentioned the most recent neighbourhood's burned-out house and said she stayed away to avoid the screaming, I marked her excellent assignment down to barely a pass.

But shortly after I was at a party at the famous House on The Hill and looked down from the patio onto the houses way down below ... and spotted a set of burned out houses in the shape of a cross with a single unfired house in the center.  "Who lives in that house down there?"  I asked.

Yup, it was indeed the family home of Jacinta R.

OK, so she hadn't lied afterall, but my first thought was that we should really take David Maulof's beautiful novel "Johnno" off our high school's reading list because the heroic central character Johnno, with his sophisticated, philosophical and almost-sacred burning down of different buildings, was clearly too much for an impressionable teenage mind to handle.

And, rather worried if this book was indeed responsible for ... umm, Jacinta's continual need for extensions, I approached our friend Gary-the-Firechief for a secret, off-the-record clarifying account of what actually happened with these fires.

I had nothing to worry about.  David Malouf was blameless.  Seems this was an artistic little enclave where everyone was forever doing interesting things, and there was a recent new product on the market they'd all taken to heart:  White Knight's Easy Paint Removal.  This amazing product is a liquid you just rub onto any surface and you can, within minutes, paint over the top and it stays forever, no flaking, chipping, peeling, anything, bonded into whatever is underneath for all time  Try it and you instantly swear by it ...

... BUT ...
 
... it tells you on the jar that it's highly inflammable and this is one occasion when you really DO have to read the instructions.  And take them deeply to heart too. When they say "Don't let any two surfaces of the rag you've used touch each other." they mean it completely.  And when they say "Don't place your used rag next to paint or any other flammable liquid"  this is something you should treat with religious fervour.  And where they say "Don't bundle the rag up after use" and "Drop it into water before leaving it overnight."  and "Dispose of used rags in a sealed container."  they mean it with a vengence.

So it seems this is something Jacinta's neighbourhood needed to learn the hard way, and over and over again because they clearly had a cretinously-slow learning curve.

But it also seems other folks don't learn from experience either.  Baby Jane has recently discovered White Knight's Easy Paint Removal and now swears by it and watching her use it was a nightmare; all that bundling up of used rags and casual tossing down next to open tins of paint.  "Stop doing that!" I'd yell at her.  "Highly inflammable MEANS highly inflammable!"

"Oh, stop being such a drama queen!"  I was told repeatedly.

So, without a choice, I hid the can!

I mean, taking out five houses in three months, this is SERIOUSLY a dangerous product ...

... so I seriously cringe at the memory of how I first doubted and then blamed David Malouf and that gorgeous Jacinta R. for what went down!

Strange things really do happen, don't they!  And, yes, sometimes dogs really do eat your homework!