Hello from New Zealand!

This computer runs so Third-World-Slow it's no fun to use so I'll keep it brief.

The biggest change down here in The Land of The Long White Cloud since our visit last Christmas is to be seen among the eco-refugees.  You may recall, in my report last year, how I talked about all the Pacific Islanders from the global-warming drowned islands, taken in by NZ because ... well, just because ..., and how sad they were, all sitting around shivering from the cold and with tragic dejected eyes, comfort-eating up the whazoo and tearing the heart out of you.

Well, I now have to tell you they are no more.  No, they haven't moved on.  They are there but, oh wow, what a difference a year makes.  These days, they have lost weight - well, lost those comfort-eating extra pounds because no one could accuse Polynesians of being a slender people.  AND they look happy, with dancing, alive "on the ball" eyes.  Apparently NZ took a lot of time with them, running free English and upgrading skills classes and finding them jobs and church-groups and boy, from what I can see, it has definitely paid off.

So that is the good news; from what I've been seeing these people are now fine, all prosperous and definitely OK, so don't worry about them!  In fact, one gorgeous little boy I chatted with couldn't even tell me what island group he originally came from.

But I'll tell you one thing about them that had me laughing: there was a shop in Henderson where, last year, some entrepreneurial Cantonese fellow, obviously in anticipation, had manufactured hundreds of extra large muumuus in garish Pacific-preferred colours and patterns.  I noticed them last year - long racks of them - and thought "Man, those Cantonese are chronically entrepreneurial!" however ... this year, because, throughout the streets of Henderson, I didn't see a single muumuu being worn anywhere, I went in to check on them, to see how well they'd sold, and they hadn't!  Not one! 

They were all still hanging there, just looking sad, dusty and old.

Seems our lovely Cantonese entrepreneur made a wrong call because none of these eco-refugees women bought what they would have at home.  What they're all wearing are the surprisingly chic below-the-knee bicycle shorts with a longish soft-wool tunic top, or those extremely chic "pregnant Angelina Jolie" dresses, which look amazing on them because Polynesian women have mighty shoulders and breasts and with those on view you really don't notice anything else about them. Instead of thinking "fat woman!" you think "Holy-moly, what a GODDESS!"

And while on this subject, I have to report that the new thing among extra-chunky Kiwi ladies is large Maori-moku style tattoos all over their shoulders, upper arms and breasts.  Worn with tiny, strappy tops, showing lots of cleavage, man, does it look good.  You don't notice the fat, because you're too busy thinking "I definitely wouldn't take her on in a fight!"  and I imagine even men think that!

Oh, and another new thing is how many 6'5" plus Maori drag-queens you see around who, when you get close, you suddenly realise are actually women!  Like, real women! Honestly!  Giant-sized, with shoulders on them like stevedores, every single one of them who looks like she could single-handedly row a trieme! 

Decades back, I was chatting with an elderly French embassy official who told me that NZ women were all so tall and broad-shouldered, he found them so scary he couldn't cross at downtown Auckland's zebra-crossings.  He'd take one step to cross the road, see the wall of them coming towards him and it would trigger his traumatic WWII "Ahhh, Nazi storm-troopers!" response and, in a blind panic, he'd have to instantly turn and run.

Well, in those days, Kiwi women seldom reached more than 6' in height, so I wonder what he'd make of this lot!  Especially with those new tattoos they're doing.  Perhaps "Ahhhh!  Goddess storm-troopers!!"

I know I certainly feel that way about them!