Me and Switzerland!

Emue asked if I've ever been to Switzerland and the answer is yes, once, and it is a country I detest before any other and is totally on my "To Be Boycotted For All Time!" list!

What happened to me in Switzerland to make me hate it so adamantly? It's a horrible story.

Back in 1970 when Fiji first got Independence, I was so thrilled and proud of my country I took out a Fiji passport.

Shortly afterwards, when we were in Europe, we caught the overnight train from Milan to Paris, which, as you know, crosses through Switzerland.

On this overnight train, you hand in your passport before you go to bed so the wagon lit conductor can do your border formalities for you, so that's what I did. But then, in the middle of the night, I get dragged from the train at the Swizz border. Honestly! I'm eleven years old and these Bastard-Officials drag me from a warm bed and off the train.

Turns out, back in 1970, the Swizz hadn't let anyone know they recognised Fiji as a country so I wasn't allowed to pass through.

So there I am, standing on the platform wearing nothing but pink cotton baby-doll pajamas, it's the middle of winter, there's snow all around, I'm not wearing shoes, the winds are Arctic-cold, so-brutal and to-the-bone-chilling ... and they tell the train it can go.

They were going to get the train leave without me. Can you believe it? I still can't!

I remember thinking "This can't happen. No one acts like this. I want to wake up now." because it was a genuine nightmare.

Luckily, the sweet elderly Italian wagon-lit conductor was sane so raced onto the train and woke my dad, who came out, rightly furious! Boy, did he blast the living hell out of them! Called them all sorts of names, like Nazis, and Insane! And then he forced them to ring someplace United Nation-ish and spoke to them, told them what had happened and made them tell these Bastard-Officials that Fiji was indeed a Nation and one that was recognised by Switzerland too, and then shouted at them that they bloody well should update their records more often ... called them Insane Nazis several more times, made them apologise to me, and then took me back onto the train.

I rarely got on with my father but at times like this, when he used his powers for good, boy-oh-boy, he was magnificent and I loved him so very, very much!

And the aftermath of all this was I lost my core temperature and simply couldn't cope with rest of this European winter. It should have been a wonderful holiday, but I just sat in hotel room after hotel room, in all these wonderful cities, still chilled-to-the-bone, shivering and crying!

Unforgiveable, yes! Switzerland sooo owes me a trip through Europe!

And I'm sure you understand why, to this day, I cheer whenever stuff comes out about how the Swizz weren't neutral at all during WWII since they were all secretly Nazi supporters. That's definitely the face Switzerland showed me that night and so I simply refuse to return!

So, Emue, that's my Switzerland story!