Luang Prabang, Laos!

Updating daily, below:

DAY ONE

Luang Prabang is so exactly like Nadi, the Mekong is so exactly like Sigatoka River, the trees and general vegetation is all so exactly like Western Viti Levu, the red dust and green mould covering everything is so like Tavua, all you'd have to do is stick conical bamboo hats on random heads, head-and-eyebrow-shave and saffron-robe-drape a couple of hundred young boys, throw around several colourful tuktuks and, voila!, you can save your money by staying in Fiji and just pretending you're in Laos.

Can't wait to download my photos so you can see this for yourself.

And the mood of this town? You know how I said Vientiane's day never really got started ... and then they all went to bed? Well, Luang Prabang is Vientiane on valium. It hardly moves at all, but it's got such pretty little cafes all along the banks of the Mekong that's understandable.

Our hotel/guesthouse here is lovely. After the last place, just having stuff that works and no ghost would have been enough, but here, Bai, the owner, is "into decorating" and the place really is a triumph. Keith did well considering this is The Last Room in Luang Prabang! Honestly, there was no other place available. Remember how I was panicking yesterday when I realised I couldn't get a room here? And Keith charged in at the last minute and sorted it all out. My hero!!!

News? Not really anything. There was a bit of a hassle this morning because there are two hotels with the same name and I was taken to the wrong one, but even "hasslier" was when the airport taxi-mini-van just stopped in the middle of nowhere and the driver went off, leaving me sitting there for about ten minutes. Mind you, it was just outside a very nice Massage Parlour so I thought that if he didn't come back I'd just go in and have a massage. Seems he went off to ask locals for the address and wanted to save on petrol.

Oh, and here's news: there was an explosion on the plane this morning. Nothing too dramatic, but it's exactly what you don't want to happen when you're in a plane. It came from the direction of the ceiling and no one could figure out if it was something within the electrical system or something had exploded inside someone's luggage. We landed safely so I guess it was the latter!

And even bigger news! Luang Prabang has a provincial speciality of dried seaweed in sesame seed served with a trickle of olive oil that is just so, so, so, so yummy! Only just had my second plate and already I'm thinking of my next one!

That's all for now but do keep dropping by for updates. I've found a sweet little cybercafe on LP's main street, so plan to give you the latest most days.

DAY TWO

Fell asleep at the massage place. No idea if I actually got a foot massage or not because she'd only just started to wash my feet and suddenly it's an hour later. She gave me a free ten minute head and shoulders massage after she woke me up so maybe she was feeling guilty because she'd just raced off to play cards the whole time.

Personally, I'm blaming the monks. LBJ Hotel is stuck between Wat Xieng Thong and Wat Khili - literally - one at the back and the other diagonally across the road - and they both start beating their drums at dawn. At first it was so very sweet and nostalgic - remember how dad's hospital used to play the lali at 6 am? - but then it got a tad annoying. Wonder if dad's patients felt the same way about their wake-up call!

Luang Prabang is really quite lovely. It's sooo Fiji I feel very disloyal for loving this place so much. Or maybe that's why I love it so much.

You know, I think Nadi and LP should become sister-towns and have lots of cross-cultural exchanges because they already have so much in common if they just started to also do the stuff the other place does, both would be heaven on earth. Like, LP has very little music. One of the things I adore about Fiji is the fact that just about everyone has a guitar and a fabulous singing voice so can - and do - make music all day long. That doesn't happen here. As far as I can hear, there's no music apart from a couple of Hindi radio stations. But, on the other hand, I just love the little cafes LP has on the embankments along the Khan and Mekong Rivers. Nadi River, which now seems under-utilised as a resource, absolutely should start doing that as well.

Oh, oh, oh, and the Night Markets here! The stuff they have! Molly, would you KILL for one of the Hmong quilts! They do this cut-out thing atop white linen and it's just gorgeous. US$20.00 for a queensize one. Get back to me soon if you want me to get you one ... and if you don't get your own because you think you can steal mine, think again! Not happening! And there's this Hmong embroidered quilt that is only US$60.00 that Rayna would love. And, Margaret, they have gollywogs! How exciting is that! They're only asking US$5.00 for them, so I guess I'll indulge you and buy you one for your collection! A Hmong golliwog? How'd that go as a collectible? Also, the silk table-runners are only US$7.00 and I think I'll get a range of them for those poor souls who I didn't send presents to this year.

Poor Keith! The very minute he arrives tonight, I'll be dragging him down to the markets and, believe me, he'll be going through his US$s very, very, very fast. The stuff! MMMMmmmmm! The only reason I didn't buy heaps and heaps is I wanted to wait for Keith to do it for me!

Mmmm, poor Keith! I'm not very nice to him, am I!

What else is good? Oh, there's this fruit smoothie/lassi-type drink they make here that is just fabulous. They even let you pick out the fruit you want and cut it up right in front of you, just like in a Chinese seafood restaurant, only nothing gets to die!

What else? Laotian silks aren't bad. They're hand-loomed, and they've stolen lots of Jim Thompson's colour ideas so they're kinda lovely, although they're not so carefully done or finished as ones in Thailand - although there's a girl called Carol Cassidy in Vientiane who's "doing a Jim-Thompson" so I guess the quality will start to rise here soon as well.

But do you remember those silks in Cambodia? Gosh, they were sublime. All these women in rags walking the streets trying to sell their latest creations and they'd be asking only US$7.00 for a queen-sized quilt and the workmanship would always be just perfection; made with so much care, pride and attention-to-detail. Broke my heart! Several times, I'd look over a piece and the Khmer lady would be saying "Seven dollar!" and I'd go "I'll give you twenty!" and Keith would get cross and say "You really don't understand bargaining, do you!" and I'd reply "But I do understand my conscience and I want to pay twenty!" Well, in Vientiane you could buy pieces identical to my Cambodian pieces for US$1,700.00 and up and I feel most clever I got in early.

Do you know, I've been using my Cambodian silk throws every day for the last five years and they still look as wonderful as the day I got them. Love 'em!

It's hard to tell you any real stuff without my photos so I'll sign off now. But will be back tomorrow for another update so do drop by!

DAY THREE

Just run away from Keith. Decided he's unbearable! It is astonishing to me that I've spent the past eight days exploring and not got the slightest bit sunburned and a single day with him and I'm red raw AND I've got blisters all over my feet! It's because I'm sane, that's why, and when he said to me ten minutes ago "Why don't we climb Mt Fusi to watch the sunset?" I decide that he's barking mad and ran away.

See, just like everyone sane in the tropics I don't go out in the midday sun. I explore early morning and late afternoon, and from 11 to 2 I go off and have a massage for two hours, lunch for one, and then find a nice Internet cafe and update. That's what sane people do! So, round 11 today, I say to Keith "Let's go get a massage?", he says "We'll only get one at The Red Cross headquarters because they use the money from massages to support the work they do in the mountains of Laos!" OK, yeah!, I support that, so I stupidly agree ... only he has no idea where the Red Cross headquarters are and so we spend the next two hours hunting around Ban Ahem looking for the place! And when we finally find it, and I'm burnt lobster-red with feet covered in blisters, he decides he doesn't want a massage afterall, and sighs alot because I insist on having one. And then, when we come out he makes that ridiculously stupid suggestion about Mt Fusi!

And it was so nice last night when he finally arrived (saying "I can't get over this place. It's like Nadi has moved to the Sigatoka Valley!") (see, told you!) and I took him down to one of the Mekong Riverside cafes and introduced him to the wonderful food and he liked it so much he's now decided to do a day-long Laos cooking course at one of the local schools and wants me to come too ... as if that would ever happen ... so, blah blah blah!, he's all "Why don't you do a weaving course instead so you can make your own rugs!"

Anyway, tedious story so I'll skip it and wind this up by saying ... Keith, my love, I don't do mountains! I don't do cooking schools! I don't do weaving workshops! I don't walk in the sun! And I don't get up at six in the morning no matter how many drums those monks bang!

Hard to believe we've been married for nearly 30 years and he hasn't yet realised this about me!

No, to be fair, I think the problem is that he's just started his holiday and is all revved up to do stuff, but I've been doing stuff for a week now and I've got not a smidgen of energy left and just want to do absolutely nothing for a couple of days.

Oh, except for going to the Buddha Caves! Over two thousand Buddhas carved into the limestone inside two caves, and it's a couple of hours down the Mekong so you take a boat there and that sounds like something I'm more than willing to do ... provided I don't have to ride an elephant.

As you see, I'm not a very happy camper at the moment, so won't write anymore. Will update tomorrow around noon ... even if it means I have to run away from Keith again!


DAY FOUR

Forgave Keith eventually and had a fabulous dinner at Tum Tum Cheng Restaurant. They're one of the places promoting Laos cooking, which is totally totally amazingly wonderful and it's hard to believe anyone needs to be promoting it to tourists. One meal and Keith's signed up for a day-long cooking course at a local school; that's how enamoured he instantly became of it.

I tell you, Fair Trade needs to do a round-up around Luang Prabang backstreets. Truly, so much food here is export-worthy. Like, the woman who runs the tiny dirt-floor cafe across from our hotel makes the most amazing mandarin marmalade and a pineapple paste that is to-die-for, among other totally sublime fruit preserves etc, etc, etc. I told Bai "She needs to market it seriously! There's a fortune to be made in her recipes." and he says "I tell her all the time but she is not interested. She says "I make enough money to be happy. I don't want more." I think that's the trouble; no one is really interested in taking what they do abroad, although Ruth says there is a Laos Restaurant in Box Hill in Melbourne in Australia that her family eats at all the time.

And speaking of Ruth, she's the friend of our friend Aussie Christine from Hong Kong, and we looked Ruth up on her say-so. So glad we did. Gorgeous lady! She's involved in the orphanage here, trying to raise funds etc. for the kids. She's Australian but her family has a long-time Laos connection. In fact, her Uncle was the Australian Ambassador here for decades, including during the Patharn Revolution during the 1970s. In fact, she was telling us about her Uncle during that time and there is SUCH a gorgeous film in it, I would love to write it up as a script. Just the gentle heroism of the old man. Refused to shut down the Embassy after everyone else had run away. And the amazing stuff he did saving people! I think the Australian Film Commission should immediately take an interest because it's a HUGE story that, I think, should be added to the collection of Aussie Heroic Sagas!

In fact it's been an interesting day all round, and we met so many interesting people - mainly ex-pat women - doing heroic and needful things; stepping up to the plate, as it were. Like, this morning we met Debra who owns JoMa Cafe and, in addition to working all day, she runs a child-care facility, free, out of her home for the kids at risk because both parents work 17 hour days. She said she saw so many hungry toddlers around the streets she couldn't NOT get involved. Some, say, have ... no, no, this is too important for in here so I'll do a blog on the subject later after I have photos to do it all justice.

I will also do a story, I think, on Ruth's orphanage, but it will have to wait until I know more and have more time. I volunteered a day's teaching there on the day Keith does the cooking school but they say that they don't have the facilities to check anyone's credentials and so, because of the pedophile problem they refuse everyone. However, they say they would like me to do a story ... so I'll definitely be doing that so watch this space.

Oooh, one of the Pushy-Involved-Ex-Pat-Ladies has organised local women who live around the LP primary schools to race out and photograph the faces of any men who linger too long around the schools and who take photos of too many kids and then she collects them and sends them to the Laos Vice Police AND Interpol. AND she says that the word has got out among pedophile circles that Luang Prabang is not safe and very few come here anymore! Yo, You Go Girl!!!

Keith is pressuring me to leave now. He wants to try Tamarind Restaurant round that corner; another place that promotes Laos Cooking!

DAY FIVE

If Ernest Hemingway and David Suzuki had a fight, who'd you reckon would win? Keith says Ernest because he's big, mean and has a brutal streak while David doesn't. Me? I think David Suzuki would win because Ernest Hemingway is dead.

You may be wondering what this has to do with anything, but if you were here too you'd understand. Honestly, the tourists! It's like a Convention of Ernest Hemingway lookalikes coming abut a Collection of David Suzuki lookalikes! Two rival armies! And when you have an army you just want to do something with them ... which, I've just realised, probably explains the Bush administration.

Anyway, we've been in stitches these last two days making silly jokes about the two groups ... and now Keith, a charter member of Team Hemingway, is saying "I can't bear it. I have to shave."

It's odd we didn't notice it until the day before yesterday; when I decided to forgive Keith I went hunting for him and asked around various places if a tall, large, bearded guy had come in, but whoever'd reply with a variation of "That description doesn't mean anything!" and waft a hand towards the passing crowd, and lo and behold, EVERYONE who wasn't little, Japanese and with a great camera, matched that description ...

... oh, except for the guy who looks like Robert Plant who we reckon IS Robert Plant. He's doing that "hiding in plain view" thing, but the few times I've tried to take a photo with him in it, he carefully shields his face. When I finally download the photos, I'll show you one and let you decide if that's Robert Plant's hand! I keep daring Keith to go up to him and say "When is Led Zeppelin getting back together?" because I think that would be the question which would annoy him the most - unless it's "When are The Who getting back together!" - but Keith refuses to be that tacky!

We really haven't done very much today. Thankfully, Keith didn't sleep well last night so is being a right slacko today. And most agreeable it is too. We did mean to drop by to sign up with the "Stay Another Day"network (the volunteer organisations here you can donate your skills to for a day or two) but never got around to it. We did arrive at one of the volunteer places - a bookshop/cafe/free-reading-room, called L'Estrange, run by a woman who looks more like my mum than anyone has a right to - and while walking to the desk to register spotted books we'd always wanted to read, so grabbed them and sunk onto the sofas, and, drinking chai lattes and reading, before we knew it the day was over. Exactly what the doctor ordered.

Throw in a massage and that's the entire day in a nutshell. We kinda feel guilty about it so are going with Noh to the Buddha Caves tomorrow and Keith's off now to sign up for the Cooking School and then we are going back down to the Mekong for a meal in one of those terrific little cafes.

Oh, the reason he didn't get much sleep? Not the monks fault this time. Firstly, there's this sweet little German girl in the hotel next door who walks around naked and the local likely-lads have noticed and so were drinking rice-whiskey outside our window half the night, yahooing and carousing. Bloody Germans, huh! And the very moment when a Laos Likely-Lads finally shut up, the Singaporeans started up. Yup, the trio in the room next door started rollicking good sex that lasted for hours ... and then came the spankings! Only two spankings, so which one isn't getting one! No, won't think about it. It really is kinda creepy.

Tamarind Restaurant last night was lovely. They have little servings of lots of different dishes so you get to try heaps of Lao stuff without really committing to anything. Must tell you, we discovered the smoky-eggplant dish and that's totally mmmmm too! Just love this food! I'm so glad Keith will know all this stuff.

By the way, am volunteering my services as an editor/proofreader to Stay Another Day organisation "Big Brother Mouse" while Keith is doing what Keith does best!

Keith is now back. Must go. Guess we may have more foods we TOTALLY MUST discover!

DAY SIX.

Sick. Like, really, really sick. Think it's malarial. Ague, chills alternating with fever, stiff neck, lungs feel like they're filled with ice-water, throw up if I move fast, fall over all the time - but not the dengue fall-over which is caused by your legs constantly giving way under you - this is lose-balance-fall-over which probably means an inner-ear problem.

What do you think, Gerald?

Must be from My Big Night With The Mosquitoes! in Vientiane.

What is is with me and mosquito-borne illnesses?: really severe dengue back in 1968 and then 9 years of Ross River Virus. But then Keith has had both of those, plus Barma-Forrest AND Q-Fever so he's an even sadder case than I am.

And no wonder I've had no energy for days. Really haven't been well at all, I now realise.

You may be wondering what I'm doing up? No choice. I'm following two really creepy guys. They're across the way now having breakfast and I'll leave when they do. Saw them through the window of my sick-bed photographing the novice monks and I really understood who the local women choose to photograph. There is something substantially different about HOW these guys look at the kids. And then I noticed them notice a very little girl and set off after her so I thought it was too serious not to do something ... so, after hastily dressing in yesterday's clothes, have been trailing them ever since getting stuff on film, planning to give the photographs to the woman who gives them to Interpol.

Power just went out here. Young guy running around madly saying his backup generator only has five minutes power, so I'd better go. I'll go over and have a cuppa close to those creepy fellows and maybe, with luck, I'll end up throwing up all over them.

See you tomorrow.

DAY SEVEN

Feeling much much better. Still have a very stiff neck that won't allow my head to move in either direction and my lungs still feel like they're full of water, but at least this water is warm, and I do hurt all over, but I don't feel even remotely sick and that's all I ask for. My energy levels have even returned so it's all good. Ruth says there is a low grade Dengue-type thing doing the rounds here at the moment and it sounds like that, but I appear over it.

Went to see Mr Sahi, a Native Practioner at the Laos Red Cross (I will be doing a blog on them after I return because it's interesting), and he mixed me up a tisane, moved my chi around a bit and then I went home and slept for 17 hours - and even slept through a three hour bout of Singapore-Spank-and-Squeal that was being spoken about in hushed voices around the streets of Ban Khili this morning and will undoubtedly go down in the annals of local folk legends.

In Luang Prabang, everyone can hear you scream. Our hotel emptied this morning and so did the hotel next to us. Bai was mortified until ... well, until we started to laugh about it and then we couldn't stop.

The Singapore-Sex-Pigs asked us to go to the waterfall with them tomorrow. Not happening. They're a very friendly trio, sure, but it's really difficult to even look at them after ... well, after knowing so much about their most intimate moments! Except you can't call them "moments" when they're at it for hours. And do you know how many Singapore laws they're breaking? So far, we're counting it as six! Although the last crime - doing it with "The Swingles" CD playing - is also against all international laws, the Geneva Convention, and an outrage to all standards of taste and decency.

But here I am talking about tomorrow when I haven't even told you about yesterday or today.

Yesterday, as I said, I was being all creepy and sinister and trying to freak out those two creepy guys, but then I noticed that, for the first time since we arrived, the Royal Palace was open so that's when my ADD kicked in and I went off to do that instead.

The Palace is interesting. Don't have photos because you aren't allowed to take any - you have to surrender your camera before they let you in - but it's a really strange and interesting mix of ordinary and splendid. And, I must tell you because it's so shameful, in among all the gifts from other Nations - all fabulous and luxurious - is the gift from Australia ... and it's a boomarang! Yup, Australia's diplomacy package consists of ... a wooden stick!

What happened to the King and Queen of Laos? Do you know? All I can find out is "they died in a cave" although no one explains what that actually means. It was part of the Pol Pot-esque Revolution they had here back in the 70s, paid for, as we all know, by the Americans who wanted the region destablised as part of their "Asia Package". It all seems so very real now that I've looked into their lives this way. They are two very sweet-faced people so it's all very sad.

And after that I went into Big Brother Mouse and hung around there trying to do my bit. And then went to "@your library" and did the same. These are both "Stay Another Day" places and I do intend to blog about them after I get back and have photos to show you.

Keith was doing the cooking school all day and so I entertained myself until the food was prepared and then presented myself to join them for the spoils and most yummy it all was too.

And today we hired a long boat and went with Noh to Pak Ou - the Buddha Caves - two hours down the Mekong. They were spectacular and something else that's too special not to do an individual blog on once I have photos, so you'll have to wait for it.

Travelling down the Mekong? Just think of endless Fiji. It's Sigatoka River, Sigatoka Valley, for miles and miles and miles.

So that brings you up to date. Tomorrow is our last day and I'm very sad to be going. Keith is already talking about our next visit wherein he's planning to do a woodcarving course. He's also saying he wants to take an elephant trek across the mountains but I keep saying "That's what you have younger brothers for!" ... so how about it, Paul? Are you up for it?

More tomorrow ... which WON'T include Sai Pak Waterfall with The Gang Of Three! Please, please, please, let them be too exhausted to be up for anything tonight!!!

DAY EIGHT

The last day of our stay in Laos. So pleased to have finally visited this country. Although I don't care if I never see Vientiane again, Luang Prabang is lovely and already feels like "our place" and Keith is talking about moving here after he retires - but only for the winter months because apparently it's brutally hot and breezeless in summer ... and spring ... and autumn.

Another very sleepy day although, well, we've just got down from Mt Phousi. I compromised and walked up half way and Keith climbed the rest of it alone. He took photos from there so I can stick them in here and pretend I did it too, so pretend you already know I didn't.

What else happened today? Oh yes, the orphanage.

Note for Michael: Finally got out to the orphanage today. It's a lovely place these days and, wow, when you see what it was before Ruth got involved ... although, well, they now house the over-flow kids in "the old buildings" so those days aren't really over. And, yes, they genuinely and desperately do need a new roof for the girl's dormitory - which is pretty much entirely rust - slightly less desperately for the boy's dormitory - which is about two-third's rust - AND two of the school houses will definitely need re-roofing in about six months because they are half-rust.

For everyone who isn't Michael, I will be doing a blog on the orphanage after I get back to Hong Kong so you'll know what we're on about. In the meantime, stuff has happened which isn't politic to talk about, so let's not, except to say the re-roofing money isn't there anymore - ah! ya gotta LOVE a Democratic People's Republic and its deeply caring public officials - and it's all very dire because none of these roofs are going to last much longer. Aussie Christine wants us all to help out ... and I think we are all intending to do so. Yes?

And that's about it. Of course it really isn't, but the rest of the day was things I've talked about before and which I plan to write about in greater depth later because they're all very important.

Off at dawn for Thailand. Keith flies out in the afternoon. He couldn't get on my flight, so we plan to meet at the hotel in Bangkok tomorrow night. Mmmm, the only thing I've heard of any news from anywhere is that there's again trouble in Bangkok ... so fingers crossed we don't get stuck there as well because we AREN'T staying at the Sheraton!

So that's all on our Laos holiday: Vientiane = Kinda yuck!; Luang Prabang = totally gorgeous, but only in winter.

Other useful stuff to know? The currency is KIP and it's like Vietnamese dong in that it's all stupidly large denominations and very difficult to handle, and so it's much handier to just keep your money in Thai BAHT. No one minds as Baht is the de-facto currency here.

And really good phrases to learn are : "Sabai dee" = hello; "kop jai" = thank you.

And you really need a shawl for night, particularly if you plan to ride around in open tuktuks. That can get very cold. However, there's no real need to bring one with you since they sell sublime ones here at the Night Market.

So au revoire for now and see you in Bangkok!