An e-mail from behind the lines

This email just in from our correspondent embedded behind the lines in darkest Guangzhou:

My blog is definitely blocked in China. I can access blogs "Denise Travels" and "Travels by Denise" but "Travels with Denise" is a definite no-go! I have posted from Guangzhou without problems in the past ... but it looks like those days are over.

Cool! How gorgeous is it that there's a possibility China finds me dangerous! YEE HA!!!

I've asked Keith to post this for me in Hong Kong and hopefully I haven't been blocked there.

Naturally I'm trying to figure out why I've been locked out this way and can only think it's because no one here wants me talking about dangerous subjects like ... mmmmm, what it's like getting robbed in Guangzhou, or the endlessly and amazingly labyrinthine bureaucracy of the place trying to sort it all out, or the police incompetence and how everyone always says to give up all hope of seeing anything again because Chinese cops either never find anything EVER or don't return anything they do find ... but, as an endless optimist, I still hope.

Dear oh dear! You have no idea what this has all been like! My very best advice is simply DON'T GET ROBBED IN CHINA!!!

Sunny asked "Is this the worst thing that's ever happened to you?" and I thought about it and realised, no, the worst thing that's ever happened to me is getting strangled on that skybridge in Guangzhou two years ago, and being astonished that these two events - getting strangled and getting robbed - happened only feet away from each other. It really is ODD isn't it! And the big Starbucks connection ... but that's all so strange I'll have to think about it before I post anything about it.

I know I've already told you all about the strangling, which was my very first blog-post, and with this latest travail, I'll give you details naturally, so you know what to expect if it ever happens to you, but only after I've left China.

In the meantime, all I can do with the endless time on my hands is to mourn my losses. Forget my passport! Forget all my ID that's gone and which WILL be used for identity theft - everyone, even the police, say that's why an entire bag is stolen; if it's money they simply take the wallet - and I don't even want to consider the problems that will DEFINITELY happen to me in the future as a consequence. Forget too this incredible inconvenience. And the awful new sense of vulnerability! It's my belonging that I'm mourning!

They aren't just possessions because I love everything I own. Everything has its own story. My beautiful red bag! It took me two months searching to discover a bag I could love! And my stupid old Nokia phone. Nearly nine years old and still as strong as the day I got it. I wouldn't upgrade even after it became a joke - even an embarrassment - because it was mine and I knew how to use it! It was meant to live out its allotted days with me! And my camera! I know I didn't love it like I did my old one, which literally exploded in my hand, but I was definitely getting fond of it, despite the fact the photos were a little too dark and it had a delay I couldn't take off so I kept missing my shots, which you may have noticed. And to lose Shadow! I can barely function without Shadow. I know you don't know about Shadow because that's something from the depth of my soul and only my very dearest are aware of its existence! But let me tell you that that's an irreplacable loss ... but I still hope it finds its way back to me somehow.

Such treasures in there! All irreplaceable. Like the photo of Kele as a baby where he's so heartbreakingly cute. It was in my wallet because I'd decided to "Dafen It"; get it turned into an oil painting as a present for him on his 35th birthday. It's the only copy so ...

... and to think these are the type of things these thieves will toss aside as valueless. It's enough to make you bawl your eyes out!

Mmmm, I need to cheer myself up with happier memories. The best bits of all this? Ah, I just love The Marfans Masai! (To visualise him, think of a jet-black Lurch from "Addames Family".) You're going "Say what? A Masai in China!?" right? Yes, he's a Masai and he's here in China! I know! I know! It's astonishing me too. Here we are, in the depths of China, enduring untold travails, and there's this Marfan-esque Masai right at the heart. He isn't really part of this story - I hope - but he keeps on turning up throughout this entire ordeal; in fact he was there right from the start and he's there at every key point; like some non-narrative leit motif; just standing in the background like some sort of gaunt voodoo Baron Samedi. Once he even spoke to me: at the Inn, at the very lowest point of this saga, he's there again and, in the most unexpectedly BBC voice, says "I'm so sorry this is happening to you!" It was truly thrilling!

OK, OK, I now realise this is me automatically turning it all into some sort of narrative, attempting to find structure and meaning within all this, but I ADORE my Marfan's Masai, and love that he's always just there! Life really is always better than fiction, isn't it!

Oh, wait, here's the very, very, very best bit! I'm deep in the heart of Sino-Bureaucratic-Labyrinth when I suddenly get trapped between two waist-high security barriers. Young security guard repeatedly presses button but it doesn't work, so he calls another security guard who tests the button, then phones, and a dozen more security guards turn up and each of them presses the button in turn, and then they phone and a boss turns up and presses the button, and then he phones and a bigger boss turns up and presses the button, and a higher-up boss turns up and presses the button and then phones ... and by this time it's been ten minutes and becoming unbearably stupid, so I jump the barrier. Yes, they're all shouting at me, but what can they expect ... and because I had no idea what they were saying and, moreso, because they were trapped on the other side of the barrier I simply ran away!

And on that stupid note I'll leave this for today.

Trapped in Guangzhou

Sorry. Denise is unable to blog right now. She is stuck in Guangzhou and access to her blog is officially blocked. She can not read it or write for it and so this message is brought to you by her sponsor/ spouse, Keith.

Brief outline of events.

Monday 25th May -

1. Denise is robbed in Guangzhou .

Denise was due back from China on the 6:30 through train from Guangzhou but phoned me with a brief message that she had been robbed. The robbery had occurred as she was waiting to go to the rail station. It left her without money, passport or any other form of ID and she was speaking on a borrowed phone as hers was also taken.

I will let her fill in all the details of the next few days as she struggled heroically to get the slightest interest concerning her predicament from the Police or, indeed, anyone in China. What I know is from my perspective.

2. Denise reports the theft to police.

Actually Chinese police will not fill in a police report from someone unless they have ID. If you have had your ID stolen you cannot report it to the police until you have some ID to prove who you are. You cannot get ID without ID. Also, it is an offense to not have ID in China for anyone but more so for foreigners.

3. Denise borrows a phone from a stranger at Starbucks to phone me.

I received the first call just after 5:30 pm when taking a break from a meeting. I tried immediately to call Australian Consulate but they were closed for the day and so was diverted to Australia where I was told that the Guangzhou office had also closed and could not be contacted until morning.

Interestingly, the office said that Guangzhou Starbucks is currently featuring large with them on the theft-front, although Barcelona Starbucks still has the honour of # 1 world-ranking with an estimated 4 thefts per day, so Chinese have to lift their game to compete with the Europeans. (Or maybe not as I was told by knowing locals in China and HK that actually Africans were the most likely suspects - Denise says this is strong possibility from what she remembers of people near her when the theft happened, although her money is on the Arab boys. A Spanish friend also endorsed this Africa-theory for the Barcelona-thefts. So it's possible that hordes of Africans are currently traveling the world stealing from Starbucks? How do they find the time when they are always emailing me with sad tidings about deceased relatives with millions of dollars needing my account number for transfer?)

Next I tried to get a hotel room organised for Denise. I asked her to return to the hotel she had just checked out from as they still had a photocopy of her ID and passport on file. The hotel refused to readmit her without ID - they needed to see it again and verify it. I asked to book a room but they refused to let me make a phone booking and insisted I show them the credit card personally.

At this point I went to the Travel Expert office near home where we usually make bookings. The guys there were very supportive and spent the next couple of hours working phones trying to get a booking for Denise. No hotel would accept her without official ID. No hotel would take a telephone booking and credit card payment for such a non-person or unperson. Part of the problem was that any credit card booking could not be processed until the next working day and they would not make exceptions.

Fortunately the staff at Starbucks arranged a very cheap hostel for Denise for the night - no questions asked - and they paid.

I was also trying unsuccessfully to get money to Denise. Western Union needs ID before it will give out money at the other end of a transfer. It's a sensible policy but frustrating in a situation like this. And I couldn't get money to her by ATM as her cards were stolen.

A side note about banks. Tuesday I went to HSBC with a copy of Denise's bank statement hoping to get them to shut down her account. No way. Their mantra was" She must phone us herself and give us the numbers of the accounts personally." - But her phone was stolen and so were her cards so she can't phone and even if she did she has not memorised her card numbers. They reused to budge on this point so it had to wait until I got to Guangzhou with all the details written out for her to phone the emergency hotline.

Tuesday 26th May

Went to work so I could get all my exam papers organised and give work to substitutes so I could leave. Still phoning to Australian consulate and found Lyle (the Consul) very understanding and on the case. He was able to get some emergency funds to Denise - $AUD150.

Lyle was able to begin the process of getting an emergency passport but he said that the Chinese government insists on 5 working days to produce an "exit visa" once you give them your replacement documentation. His advice was book a hotel for 5 working days and be prepared to wait. So the boys at Travel Expert booked a hotel for 5 working days which means Denise is there until Wednesday 3rd June. ( Thursday 28th May is a national holiday with dragon boat races on the Pearl River)

Trying to get up to her without a China visa was a real problem because, to get a visa for China, you need to surrender your passport for several days and wait and then pay the extortionate fees.

In a hurry? Go to the Shenzhen/LoWu border!

I went up to LoWu but could not get a visa issued because the office there closes at 4:00 and the visas need at least 2 hours processing time. I tried to get a cheap Shenzhen-only visa, which is processed almost immediately, hoping to then slip onto the Guangzhou train but they knew I wanted to go to Guangzhou and wouldn't give me this option. In the end I had to return to HK, then get up early in order to be in LoWu by the time the office opens at 9:00 am to apply for the visa before getting a Guangzhou train from the LoWu station. It's a pleasant journey.

Wednesday 27th May

Guangzhou is an impressive city with wide tree-lined avenues, interesting architecture and a great many buildings with roof-gardens. We had a nice day exploring and Denise took me to Shamian Dao for dinner at her favourite "Rose Garden" - an outdoor restaurant on the banks of the Pearl River - which was extremely pleasant indeed with exceptionally good Thai food. You must try their Tom Yum prawn dish.

I stayed overnight and, after another day exploring, headed back to Hong Kong on the last through train from Guangzhou (7:21 pm) arriving home about 11:00 ready to sleep before a huge catch-up day at work.

Going back Saturday.

Denise will try to email posting for me to add to keep you informed.

Thanks for e-mails from friends and well-wishers. Your support means a lot to Denise.

Shoe Heaven?

Am off again to Guangzhou for a few days, and yes, I will indeed be dropping by Handbag Heaven again because there are handbags in there that keep going through my head and I've started craving ...

... but I've also been told there is a similar cluster of giant wholesale complexes that are all about SHOES!!! Yes indeed! A Handbag Heaven for SHOES!!! Mmmmmm! What total bliss! No one can tell me precisely where it is but I will make it my mission to find out this visit and, yes, I will be telling you all about it.

Shoes! Endless shoes! All I can think is "PARADISE"!!

Later:

The Redoubtable Mrs Walker has come through ...

... and I now have the calligraphy for the address to wave at taxi-drivers. Yayyy!

What Kills Us This Week!

Ah yes, another week where it's still H1N1 aka Swine Flu giving HK reason to panic:

Masks and hand sanitisers
back in force!

Although the Metro-Pork Saga has come to its logical end:

Now re-open for business,
and flowers from The HK Health Authority.
Note the note of congratulations.

But we've done the H1N1 panic to death so let's talk about other things. How about my personal reason for panic?

Hong Kong is going All-Draconian on smoking and there are now only three spots remaining where one can have a pot of tea and do sudakos while having a ciggie. As you know, I don't smoke at home since Keith doesn't smoke and it isn't fair on him, the big sissy-lungs boy that he is, so I go out to indulge my vice, thus these three spots are most important to me ...

... but, as from July 1st, they will no longer exist. There will be no smoking anyplace on the streets of our fair city. Isn't it monstrous! I didn't fight a war for freedom just to have my own personal freedoms taken away from me! No, wait, I didn't fight a war! That was my friend Bernie's line when they tried to shut the smoking room when we lived in the hotel! But it's a good line and I see no reason why I shouldn't still use it!

Also I'm now thinking I'll have to befriend this neighbour so I can join him on his highly enviable awning perch:

Will it come to this?

However, I'm hoping there'll be a fightback, even if we have to organise it ourselves. My friend Steve the Spartan is a smoker and we're having all sorts of whispered conversations about how, from July 1st, we're going to barricade "our spot" and hold them all off, just like the Spartans did to the million-strong Persian army. Steve, as you know, is descended from 28 of The 300, and if ever there's a time for a Spartan-style stand-off this is it! Also Longhair often turns up to smoke at "our spot" so I'm sure he'll be in on it too! And all the students from the Performing Arts Centre around the corner! A Spartan, a bunch of actors AND Longhair with his megaphone! How can we lose!

But on a cheerier note, check this out:

Yes, an export from home,
now ubiquitous here in HK.

This is the Up-side of HK's propensity for panic. Health Authorities did lab tests on all the different brands of bottled water and discovered most are riddled with bacteria, the worst offender being Evian Water, but the totally-clean to the nth degree turned out to be OURS!!! Yayyyy! Go Fiji, Go Fiji, Go Fiji! So now the whole city is drinking Fiji water.

Nice timing guys! Our gold mines are closing, the sugar market is in turmoil, and, thanks to our latest coup, tourists are staying away in droves, but then this happens! We have another viable product to earn our beloved nation revenue! And don't you just wish that you'd invested in the enterprise back in the early days when we all thought it was a stupid idea to export our water!

But we have to choose a threatdown for this week, so ...

THREATDOWN

H1N1! Yawn!

The SCMP photo in the running
for "Photo of the Year"

Te Vaka News

Big, big news from our favourite band Te Vaka:

AWARD NEWS - “Tamahana” wins.
“Tamahana” from the Tutuki album has won first place in the World Music Category of the ISC awards, the biggest USA international Songwriting Competition!

This was one of the main categories voted on by a very impressive lineup of music industry judges including : Rob Thomas (Matchbox 20); Chaka Khan; Tom Waits; KT Tunstall; Robert Smith (The Cure); Ricky Martin; Loretta Lynn; Neil Finn (Crowded House); Buckcherry; T-Pain; James Cotton; Jerry Lee Lewis; Craig Morgan; Ray Davies (The Kinks); McCoy Tyner; Darryl McDaniels (Run DMC); Michael W. Smith; Chris Hillman (The Byrds); John Scofield; Mario; Black Francis (The Pixies); Youssou N'Dour; John Mayall; DJ Tiësto; Paul Van Dyk; Jon Secada; Natalie Grant; Jeremy Camp; Matt Thiessen (Relient K); Pittbull; Angelique Kidjo; "Weird Al" Yankovic; Sandra Bernhard; David Brenner. Plus a truckload of music industry executives from such companies as - Virgin, Sony BMG, Univeral etc etc. Naturally enough we are all very excited and happy to have won first place in such a prestigious competition.

WORLD MUSIC

FIRST PLACE

Opetaia Foa'i and Malcom Smith

Click here to listen to Tamahana

“Tamahana” was written for the movie “The Legend of Johnny Lingo” .

The two directors and producer of Johnny Lingo actually arrived at Opetaia’s studio in Auckland all the way from the USA to ask him to write the song. They had already licensed “Manatu” and “Ki mua” for the movie and they were very sure they wanted a Te Vaka sound for the theme tune. Opetaia watched the movie and felt inspired by the messages in it – values like keeping your word and doing what you promised no matter how long it took or how many obstacles got in the way so he agreed to write the song.

The main characters in the movie were called “Tama” and “Mahana” and that is how the name “Tamahana” came about – the coming together of those two people. The Johnny Lingo people were very happy with “Tamahana” and what it contributed to the movie so they decided it would be a great idea to have a video clip with the whole band.

This was lots of fun, the back drop was painted by the same artist who did the backdrops for the “Lord of the Rings”, it had a good budget and was shot on film and video then mixed with parts of the movie. You can see it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eswq9orN20w

"Blood is on the Square"

Marija just sent this to me:



Actually, if you listen to the song, it's not just pretty and romantic, it is also wrong: "blood can be washed away". Did you know that the brave Mothers of Tiananmen, fighting for so long for the right to lay red and white roses where their children died, accepted compensation from the Communist Party and have now laid their cause to rest? They said they were getting old and tired and needed to be pragmatic about it.

I can accept their point but it's something that had to be done and they should have been the ones to spearhead it. There has to be some official acknowledgment that this actually happened. It didn't, you realise, as the history books now stand, and what makes it so WRONG is that China gets into such a flap whenever Japanese children's school history books try to whitewash The Nanching Massacre by calling it The Nanjing Incident.

Can't have it both ways, Communist Party of China. If you demand others tell the truth you must also tell the truth. As my dad used to say "The man who makes the rules must be the first to keep the rules."

I should find my letters about the Mothers. They used to come to HK annually to mourn their lost children and we used to have a candle-light vigil to support them. And the reason they came so far was to take advantage of HK's Freedom of Assembly because China wouldn't let them mourn there because "it never happened."

Guess we'll have to continue the vigil without them, although it won't be the same. Pragmatism, huh!

Favourites!

Yes, I know! I'm a hopelessly bourgeois git who shouldn't be allowed to give an opinion on the merit of any piece of art ... but when has that ever stopped me.

So, out of the many thousands of installations, which ones did I like best?

Well, without a shadow of a doubt, my very favourite would have to be this one:

Ethereal, delicate, clever, just slightly left-of-centre, and all those subtle shades of grey. Mmm mmh! Totally yum, and, you know, I last saw this three days ago and it's still in my head, like the pictorial equivalent of some annoying song that you can't stop yourself humming.

And I loved this one; a giant red painting - about 12 foot high - of Leonardo da Vinci, hero, role model and patron saint of Dafen, The Artist Village of Shenzhen. Wouldn't be at all surprised if this painting came from there.

And it also wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if this series came from Dafen as well:

You remember that original artist in Dafen who I'm forever talking about, who does these strange skew-whiff portraits of people that are astonishingly good, and whose name I can never discover because he's always out? Well, this Stephen Hawkings series is painted by a fellow called Yang Xu, and next time I'm in Dafen I will definitely be finding out Our Artist's name because I reckon these are his. (Another post, obviously!)

And max-ing out my bourgeois git credentials, I just love this painting:


And the reason I love it is that Keith owns more than half those shirts and this actually looks like his closet.

And I loved this "Tweetie and Sylvester" installation:

And I loved this half-painting/half-sculpture horse:

I found it very clever; a seamless piece of clever-clever and innovative work that both breaks new ground and actually works on an aesthetic level. Totally rare, that is!

And here's another half-painting/half-sculpture that I loved to death:


And I love this:

I always find this artist's work very sinister, but so very, very beautiful.

And these two pieces: re-workings of Renaissance masterpieces, but double-click to see what has been done to them:
And this series:

It's a series so small and with such gorgeous detail you have to view them through magnifying glasses, which the installation kindly provides, and, yes, I noticed how very like Australian artist Valli Meyers exquisite little masterpieces these are and I too wonder if this artist has seen that artist's work or whether it's just a certain kind of woman does work like this.

And I know I've already shown you this installation ...

... but no harm in seeing it again.

However, I won't show you other favourites that I've already shown you: the lace chassis, the Mao struggling towards Liberty, the mosaic dresses, the bottle-top rug, the ...

Just look in the posts below and find them for yourself.

As for the painting I'd most like to possess and put on my wall - almost always a different thing from paintings you love most - I'd definitely choose this one:


And I would like to have these in my house as well, although they are a little too overpoweringly cute-sy to have in a room I go into often, so maybe in the spare bedroom:


Don't want to wind up this post just yet. So much was good and beautiful and need to show you more.

Like, whoever knew that Tibet was producing such fabulous and important paintings:

Only two of them.

Actually, I did. Or rather, I should have because I saw some many months ago (and I blogged the one that impressed me the most) but then forgot about them.


And these paintings. This is only one of a series ...

... where he took the same painting and painted it again in different locations, while gradually and progressively hacking up the inside-painting in each of them. Profound! Although a waste indeed of a very fine inside-painting.

And I totally adored this series of photographs:

This is only one set of shots, but you should see the terrible things the photographer did to this "aesthetically challenged" poor old lady. Although she looks a right grump in all of them, she must have had the best sense of humour to go along with it all.

And this one I loved because of the skill involved:

From every angle those drops of water keep on looking like drops of water. Fabulous 3-D effect. And it's just a painting too! Kudos, Artist-person, kudos!

Those are my favourite pieces, although my favourite artist would have to be the guy who made these:

The statue holding up the entrance.

Isn't he just wonderful. Actually, I had a big wake-call about what a lousy photographer I am when I saw this photograph taken of this mighty figure by a 'real photographer':

Photograph NOT by me!

But ignore how lousy I am, and let's look at more of how great this guy is:

Do you too just love this guy? What a mighty artist! What mighty art!

However, given the absolute fabulousness of so much that was in here, you will never ever imagine the installation that won the big prize? Here you go:

Best of Show

You're going "Where? Where's the art?" aren't you! No, that's what won! Two type-writers, two rolls of tin foil and an alarmingly stupid piece of Chinglish on the wall.

Lots of folk were furious. When asked to justify the award, the judges said "It's functional and people were using the installation in a meaningful way." Ummm? If that's a criteria for art, and I totally think it's not, first prize should surely have gone to these very art-ish seats in the wine bar. I mean, look at them:

Like, how are those typewriters "ART" when these seats aren't?! Honestly! Judges!!!

Visions of Mao

Artists from The Beijing School appear to be working on a Mao theme at the moment, however what they're making of him these days is frequently hard to read. Some of these installations I get, but others? Mmmm?

Here are some of them so you can work it out for yourself:

This one looks easy to read except
the whole thing is one installation
and even the pieces below it
are part of 'the story'.

Wrong picture.
There's one very like this that has
Mao standing in that position with
the pollution-pumping chimneys behind him,
but I'm not looking for it now.
You can get the idea from this.

Neither of these is Mao,
but I didn't take a photo
of his painting among the set.
But this should give you an idea.

And of all these, my favourite would have to be:

Mao struggling towards the Statue of Liberty? I get that! But what is it trying to say?

Horses. For Margaret!

When Margaret retires in fewer years than she cares to admit she plans to sculpt horses, so these snaps are for her:

I find this one very disturbing!

And this one actually moves.
The mane shifts.
Very almost-creepy.
The woman behind isn't part of it,
but I included her to give a sense of
how big the piece is.

So, Margaret, what do you think of what other horse sculptors are doing with the medium? Reckon you can ace 'em?

I think you can, except for this guy's horse:


Boy, this one is sublime; massive and mighty and almost creepy because it's so downright sexy and male and you can practically smell and feel the sweat coming off him.

And what knocks the socks off me is that he's simply made out of old pieces of wood. I mean, look at this in close-up:


Of course, when you finally get around to retiring and making horses, I think you should think about this medium:

Old car tyres.

I know this is a dragon and not a horse, but I'm merely suggesting you give this some thought. The ultimate in Green sculpture! Imagine the kudos you'd get for reducing the world's carbon footprint and landfill. But, much more importantly, just look at what you can do with it:

The dragon roars!